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FMLs submitted from Puerto Rico

Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML

#21247229
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32759) - you deserved it (2485)

On 08/28/2014 at 3:58pm - love - by wowzer (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, my 24-year-old, unemployed brother stole all of my food money and went out with his friends. His punishment from our parents? He has to pay me back when he gets a job. My stomach has to wait. FML

#21241750
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39321) - you deserved it (2581)

On 08/20/2014 at 2:59pm - money - by HungryStudent (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, my girlfriend got the brilliant idea of trying out a sex tip dreamed up by one of the glorified trolls at Cosmo. I think my balls are broken beyond repair. FML

#21127421
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43645) - you deserved it (6191)

On 04/30/2014 at 7:40pm - intimacy - by FMBs (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because she found some lesbian porn on my computer. Her reasoning? That I must secretly be gay. FML

#21042109
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44818) - you deserved it (10142)

On 01/27/2014 at 6:32pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, my girlfriend told me the reason why my credit card mysteriously maxed out 2 months ago 'might have been' because she posted a picture of it on Facebook. I ordered a new credit card without the custom picture of us immediately. She broke up with me. FML

#21035364
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50408) - you deserved it (5551)

On 01/21/2014 at 6:59pm - love - by FacebookStrikesAgain (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, my father took me out for some driving lessons. I accidentally reversed while still in the driveway, and I instinctively hit the brakes. In my panic, I accidentally let go of the brakes, and ended up reversing straight into our house, all while my father yelled "NOOOOOO!" FML

#21014440
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38259) - you deserved it (16911)

On 01/02/2014 at 4:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, I decided to light a lantern and watch it fly with my girlfriend after midnight. The neighbor's tree caught fire. FML

#21012276
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36422) - you deserved it (12015)

On 01/01/2014 at 12:17am - misc - by claubea11 - Puerto Rico

Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML

#20984974
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35670) - you deserved it (2981)

On 12/08/2013 at 1:00pm - misc - by FML (woman) - Puerto Rico

Today, I was playing Monopoly with my kids. It was fun, and led to some mock fights. My neighbor, who despises me for being a single mother, used it as an excuse to call the cops on me for "abusing" my kids. They were too confused to do anything but nod at the officer's accusing questions. FML

#20779851
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50175) - you deserved it (3198)

On 07/13/2013 at 12:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Puerto Rico

Today, I asked my father if he was proud that I have never done drugs, never drank alcohol, never had sex, never had psychological problems, never been to the hospital for something serious, never been in a fight and maintain good grades. He told me I was a boring daughter. FML

#20657738
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51248) - you deserved it (18242)

On 05/12/2013 at 1:01am - misc - by peallow (woman) - Puerto Rico

Today, I went to the store for a warranty claim on my prescription glasses due to little spots that had appeared on the lenses, covering both. It took 2 seconds for the employee to determine that it was hairspray. FML

#20534438
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6936) - you deserved it (38562)

On 03/07/2013 at 6:51am - misc - by jmrz - Puerto Rico

Today, my girlfriend complimented me on my ass. Before I could say thanks, she continued by commenting that she wouldn't mind "breaking it in". FML

#20478275
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33992) - you deserved it (5798)

On 01/25/2013 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by great (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, I was riding the train and someone farted. Everyone looked at me. People always blame farts on the fat guy. FML

#20190789
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28286) - you deserved it (6117)

On 12/04/2012 at 11:04am - misc - by Banana (man) - Puerto Rico



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