FMLs submitted from Philippines

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through a text message. In retaliation, I started typing a long list of everything I hate about her. Just as I pressed the send button, she text me again saying "Just joking. You know I'd never leave you. Love you babe :)" FML

by Autocorrected / 03/04/2012 at 12:02am / Philippines (Bulacan) / Love

Today, after finally returning to my house after over a year overseas, I found that my neighbours built a wall covering the only window in my bedroom. Not only is my room eternally musty and pitch black, but the council won't accept my complaint, because apparently my window was illegally built. FML

by BLAH / 02/14/2012 at 9:42am / Philippines / Miscellaneous

Today, I thought it would be funny to put a few extra spoonfuls of sugar in my co-worker's coffee. He thought it would be funny to throw the boiling hot coffee over my crotch. FML

by unknown / 09/21/2011 at 8:40am / Philippines / Work

Today, I spent the entire day in my room trying to figure out how to get rid of my psycho boyfriend without dying. FML

by illenram06 / 07/11/2011 at 11:37am / Philippines (Roxas) / Love

Today, I laughed at a joke and it literally took me a minute to realize that it was me they were making fun of. FML

by Nick / 05/10/2011 at 3:37am / Philippines (Quezon City) / Miscellaneous

Today, our boss asked us out to lunch and told us to choose wherever we wanted to eat. Thinking that she’d be paying for it, we chose a pricey seafood restaurant. When we'd eaten, she told us that we could pay her back later. FML

by naughtytwinsisters / 02/25/2011 at 3:27am / Philippines (Manila) / Money

Today, my math teacher brought his laptop to tally up all our scores for our report card. He then displayed the results on a big screen in front of the whole class. The ones who failed were marked yellow. I was the only one marked yellow. FML

by thestudent / 02/18/2011 at 4:30am / Philippines (Manila) / Miscellaneous

Today, I wanted to do something special for my upcoming second anniversary with my girlfriend, so I decided to make a short animation of our lives together since we were preschoolers. In the middle of working on the storyboard, she called and broke up with me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/20/2011 at 12:18pm / Philippines (Pampanga) / Love

Today, I refused to ride with a friend on a motorcycle because it is unsafe and went to take the bus. As I got off the bus, I got hit by a speeding motorcycle and ended up in hospital. FML

by leilei / 11/29/2010 at 7:25pm / Philippines / Health

Today, my best friend told me I lost weight. I was happy because I've worked hard to shed off those pounds. I asked her what changes were evident, she told me that I now have a neck. FML

by lalala / 07/18/2010 at 12:02am / Philippines (Manila) / Health

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me through Skype, with the message "my penis wants more, but my heart and mind don't want to hurt you." FML

by justsingle / 05/11/2010 at 4:56am / Philippines / Intimacy

Today, my family and I went to the mall. We all split up in a department store to shop for our own clothes. While shopping, I caught my dad feeling up a mannequin in the back corner of the store. FML

by notmydad. / 05/08/2010 at 6:07am / Philippines (Manila) / Intimacy

Today, I went to the bathroom to take a piss. While washing my hands, I heard someone taking a large dump in one of the stalls. When he was finished, he left the bathroom without washing his hands. Turns out he was the IT guy I called to fix my computer. He sat down on my chair and used my keyboard. FML

by penpendesrapen / 03/10/2010 at 7:40pm / Philippines (Manila) / Work