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FMLs submitted from New Zealand

Today, I spent some of my pay on a birthday gift for my wife. She found out about the money going missing from our account, and now she thinks I'm having an affair. I work 24/7 and barely have time to see my friends, let alone have an affair. FML

#19575026
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24329) - you deserved it (1787)

On 05/04/2012 at 10:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, my wife woke me up by giving my erect penis a Chinese burn. FML

#19540366
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27242) - you deserved it (3078)

On 04/28/2012 at 12:42am - intimacy - by poo4brains - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I woke up for the third time in a row from a wet dream about my ex-girlfriend. I'm currently on my honeymoon. FML

#19405525
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32177) - you deserved it (11069)

On 04/04/2012 at 6:53am - intimacy - by gordogs 25 - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I was so excited to hear my phone get a message that I jumped out of my seat. It was the TV, advertising texting plans. FML

#19374122
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17609) - you deserved it (4429)

On 03/30/2012 at 1:10am - misc - by Anon (woman) - New Zealand

Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML

#19318105
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6215) - you deserved it (46179)

On 03/21/2012 at 12:06am - kids - by George Saunders - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I missed an important phone call. It's been so long since someone has called me that I didn't recognize my own ringtone. FML

#19195246
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22445) - you deserved it (3747)

On 03/01/2012 at 11:37am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand

Today, I found out that, when mad at us, my son picks the tops off his shoulder-pimples and sprinkles them in our food. FML

#18559363
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42593) - you deserved it (5093)

On 12/20/2011 at 2:45am - kids - by Pimpleeater (woman) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, my 7-year-old daughter came up to me in a noisy mall and said "boo-boo" pointing to her hand. Not paying enough attention, I kissed her hand to make her feel better. She grimaced and said "No dad, bird poo." FML

#18525865
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25939) - you deserved it (12575)

On 12/16/2011 at 4:08am - kids - by Oily (man) - New Zealand (Waikato)

Today, I overcame my fear of swimming in lakes and went for a swim. I got bitten by an eel. FML

#18451014
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29202) - you deserved it (3028)

On 12/07/2011 at 5:28am - misc - by wayne - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my boss phoned me and asked me why I wasn't at work. I was in the staff room. I said hello to her as I came in the door. FML

#18286848
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28505) - you deserved it (2264)

On 11/19/2011 at 3:40am - work - by arthur (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my mother looked me dead in the face and said, "I have failed as a parent." FML

#18286632
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31961) - you deserved it (6407)

On 11/19/2011 at 2:47am - love - by Yeoman (man) - New Zealand (Waikato)

Today, I had a car accident. In the same place, at the same time, and with the same friend in the passenger seat as last week. FML

#17869436
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22456) - you deserved it (10256)

On 09/30/2011 at 6:18am - misc - by Steve (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I saw my co-worker sneeze into his palm, get up, walk to my desk and smear his hand all over my computer mouse. He then went back to his desk and continued with his work. Last week we had a workplace awareness meeting about my OCD and fear of germs. FML

#17837739
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28407) - you deserved it (6086)

On 09/26/2011 at 6:37am - work - by gotanewmouse - New Zealand (Auckland)



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