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FMLs submitted from New Zealand

Today, I started a job on a building site. Halfway through, I needed to use the toilet. One of the builders said there were two of them; one was "OK" and the other was "nasty." The first one I walked into had the foulest stench imaginable. Apparently, that was the "OK" one. FML

#20090541
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17611) - you deserved it (1438)

On 09/27/2012 at 1:22am - work - by theotherotherguy (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, at work, I saw a van in our car park with "Hurlz Wagon" painted on its side. Laughing, I told the customer who owned it that I loved the name, and I asked was there a funny vomit story behind it. She didn't laugh, and told me it was her family name. FML

#20089281
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15212) - you deserved it (8060)

On 09/26/2012 at 7:40am - work - by big mouth (woman) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I woke up feeling ecstatic, because last night, my crush had told my best friend he likes me a lot. I sent him a text message telling him the feeling is mutual. A little while after sending it, it hit me that his confession had only been part of a dream. FML

#20073337
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29538) - you deserved it (6518)

On 09/15/2012 at 6:16pm - love - by hannah (woman) - New Zealand (Marlborough)

Today, I learned that you can be so sleep deprived that you sleep through your alarm, a construction crew outside your house, and your bladder completely voiding itself. FML

#20071794
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20785) - you deserved it (2319)

On 09/14/2012 at 4:47pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Otago)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by picture, during a game of Draw Something. FML

#20042043
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29048) - you deserved it (1988)

On 08/26/2012 at 1:03am - love - by wtf - New Zealand (Southland)

Today, my girlfriend told me she was over her addiction and wished to quit cold turkey. I cancelled all my plans to stay home and support her. She didn't mean her tobacco addiction, no no. Her corn chip addiction. FML

#20005444
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19966) - you deserved it (2335)

On 08/06/2012 at 7:20am - misc - by Spockx - New Zealand (Waikato)

Today, at the bank, my 8-year-old son decided to pull out realistic looking toy gun, and scream "FREEZE! Give me all your money!" The dim-witted bank teller pressed the silent alarm, and I was nearly arrested. FML

#19962934
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17998) - you deserved it (26267)

On 07/20/2012 at 6:20am - kids - by great - New Zealand (Waikato)

Today, I was trying to put some new curtains up. I couldn't make sense of the instructions, so I decided to wing it. I spent a frustrating half hour fighting with it, and just seconds after I succeeded, the curtain rod gave way and slammed straight onto my head. FML

#19867617
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11785) - you deserved it (15050)

On 06/29/2012 at 6:46pm - misc - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I went to a club with some friends. I ordered two drinks from the waitress and gave her a fifty. She never returned with the change, and the rest of the staff claimed they didn't know who I was talking about. FML

#19623219
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24148) - you deserved it (5381)

On 05/14/2012 at 5:46pm - money - by Jon (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, my husband and I went on vacation. We got lost and had to ask the locals for directions to our hotel. Neither of us could understand their accents, and we ended up wandering around blindly for hours until we made it back on our own. FML

#19578116
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9008) - you deserved it (17014)

On 05/05/2012 at 5:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I spent some of my pay on a birthday gift for my wife. She found out about the money going missing from our account, and now she thinks I'm having an affair. I work 24/7 and barely have time to see my friends, let alone have an affair. FML

#19575026
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24290) - you deserved it (1785)

On 05/04/2012 at 10:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, my wife woke me up by giving my erect penis a Chinese burn. FML

#19540366
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27200) - you deserved it (3076)

On 04/28/2012 at 12:42am - intimacy - by poo4brains - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I woke up for the third time in a row from a wet dream about my ex-girlfriend. I'm currently on my honeymoon. FML

#19405525
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32130) - you deserved it (11056)

On 04/04/2012 at 6:53am - intimacy - by gordogs 25 - New Zealand (Auckland)



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