FMLs submitted from New Zealand

Today, my boss told me that people from work have been complaining about me. Apparently, I'm not doing part of their jobs for them, and the other manager sometimes does. FML

by Anonymous / 02/17/2016 at 4:36pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Work

Today, I experienced one of those moments in life you never forget. I walked into a homeless man masturbating in a parking garage stairwell. FML

by scarredforlife / 02/12/2016 at 4:00am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Intimacy

Today, it was an extremely hot day so I hit up the beach for a swim. Just as I entered the water, the first wave approached me. I tried to jump it and lost my footing, managing to dislocate my hip. I had to be dragged from the water by the lifeguards. FML

by water fail / 01/28/2016 at 6:42am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Health

Today, I finished a 2 hour Skype call with my girlfriend, only to realize I was using mobile data. FML

by tye61 / 01/16/2016 at 7:54am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Money

Today, I poured boiling water over my instant noodles. A freshly boiled cockroach also rolled out onto my noodles. FML

by delicious / 01/05/2016 at 10:05pm / New Zealand (Wellington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out how it feels to have a car door slammed shut on my hand, breaking two of my fingers. Hint: it's fucking painful. FML

by Anonymous / 12/31/2015 at 4:26pm / New Zealand / Transportation

Today, I went for a soak in a mineral hot pool to relax after a stressful day teaching middle school. There were 120 middle schoolers there on a school trip. FML

by Teacher / 12/16/2015 at 4:10am / New Zealand (Bay of Plenty) / Kids

Today, HR sent a review email to me asking me to anonymously tell them about my boss. I decided to use this opportunity to tell them what a dick he was. I printed off the review, filled it out, then scanned and emailed it to myself. Or so I thought. Turns out I'd sent the review to my boss. FML

by jobless / 11/30/2015 at 11:01pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Work

Today, after 3 months of successful business at my restaurant, sales are down the shitter. Why? Because some no-life troll started posting loads of bad reviews online. He uses different names, but nothing in the reviews has ever happened. We can't get the reviews taken down. FML

by jacobianscum / 11/29/2015 at 2:05am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Work

Today, my parents finally fulfilled my childhood dream and got a puppy, after years of me nagging at them. The only downside is that I no longer live at home and he's not mine. FML

by Haze / 11/23/2015 at 10:25pm / New Zealand (Wellington) / Animals

Today, I found my expensive lingerie I thought I had lost. In my 15-year-old brother's room. FML

by anon / 11/19/2015 at 7:53pm / New Zealand / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked into my living room to find my housemate sitting on the couch, bollock naked, trimming his pubes with scissors. He's surprised I have an issue with this. FML

by WellGroomed / 10/22/2015 at 9:19pm / New Zealand (Waikato) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had an emergency appendectomy, so I texted my boss to let him know about the situation. He replied that it'd be good for my continued employment prospects if I come into work tomorrow. FML

by wormiformed / 10/03/2015 at 12:14am / New Zealand / Work