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FMLs submitted from Netherlands

Today, my boyfriend and I were spooning in bed, nude, when I accidentally farted. He freaked out and asked in all seriousness if I was trying to give his dick pink-eye. FML

#20813792
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41485) - you deserved it (6646)

On 07/31/2013 at 5:23pm - misc - by -_____- (woman) - Netherlands

Today, I tried coming on to my fiancé. He just pushed me off and got out of bed, saying he wasn't in the mood. A half hour later, I caught him jerking off to several windows of porn. FML

#20790603
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54161) - you deserved it (5759)

On 07/18/2013 at 3:01pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Netherlands (Limburg)

Today, my dog decided to poop while inside a revolving door. Before I could do anything, the door swung around and smeared it everywhere. My dog excels at timing. FML

#20770214
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43148) - you deserved it (4095)

On 07/08/2013 at 7:19am - animals - by PerfectTiming - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)

Today, a girl I met recently asked if I wanted to go jogging with her, and I excitedly agreed. A while into our run, I ran out of breath and doubled over panting, all while she kept jogging and slowly disappeared down the street. What a way to spend time together. FML

#20765072
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35838) - you deserved it (7502)

On 07/05/2013 at 12:13pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands

Today, I bought some makeup supplies at the supermarket. The cashier snorted and muttered, "Not enough in the world for you." FML

#20756122
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43912) - you deserved it (3499)

On 06/30/2013 at 2:09pm - misc - by foreversingle (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)

Today, my drunk dad decided to wake me up by lobbing our cat directly into my now-mauled face. FML

#20739340
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37972) - you deserved it (2619)

On 06/21/2013 at 4:38pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)

Today, I told my friend, who's a marriage counsellor, about some of the things my husband does that I hate, like snoring loudly and eating with his mouth open. I wasn't asking for advice, but she just looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Divorce." Bye-bye, faith in humanity. FML

#20727839
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35344) - you deserved it (5062)

On 06/15/2013 at 5:08pm - misc - by ineedbetterfriends (woman) - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, after a sleepless night, I fell asleep at my work desk. When I awoke, I found my co-workers had duct taped me to my chair. I was yelling at them to untape me, when our boss came in, scolded me for fucking about on the job, and left without saying a word to my colleagues. FML

#20683635
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32871) - you deserved it (10938)

On 05/24/2013 at 12:08pm - work - by anthony512 (man) - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner. Things went great, until my grandma arrived. She thought it would be okay to continue our friendly prank war by congratulating me on my "wife's" pregnancy. My girlfriend actually believed it, and now thinks she's the "other woman". FML

#20667410
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49911) - you deserved it (5264)

On 05/16/2013 at 5:23pm - love - by paging dr. kevorkian (man) - Netherlands

Today, I walked in on my son trying to carve a bong out of a watermelon. FML

#20656177
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38539) - you deserved it (6764)

On 05/11/2013 at 12:21pm - kids - by What the fuck, son? (man) - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, after a night of heavy drinking, I woke up handcuffed to my bed. My friends who are responsible for this think it's hilarious and claimed not to remember where they put the keys. They took pictures, then left. FML

#20649461
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36036) - you deserved it (13019)

On 05/08/2013 at 7:05am - misc - by Sebastian20 (man) - Netherlands (Groningen)

Today, my ex won a writing competition. His story was inspired by our relationship. In it, I'm a serial killing prostitute. FML

#20647234
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47736) - you deserved it (7454)

On 05/07/2013 at 3:45am - love - by serialkillingex (man) - Netherlands

Today, walking by myself, I was caught up in a group of people that got arrested, and we all got fined for creating a public disturbance. When I explained I wasn't with them, the group backed me up. The police thought I was the ringleader, and now I have to go to court. FML

#20639737
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58787) - you deserved it (3390)

On 05/03/2013 at 9:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands



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