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FMLs submitted from Malaysia

Today, my OCD reached a new high when I used a correction pen to white-out an eyelash which was photocopied onto every single page of my reading material. I did it because the eyelash was too distracting and I couldn't finish reading the article without the urge to rip it into shreds. FML

#21273246
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29393) - you deserved it (4822)

On 10/07/2014 at 11:49pm - misc - by waternixie (woman) - Malaysia (Negeri Sembilan)

Today, at age 31, I was about to finally lose my virginity. As we tumbled onto the bed, an excruciating pain shot through my stomach. It turned out to be a hernia, and no, I didn't get laid in the end. FML

#21271185
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37252) - you deserved it (3356)

On 10/05/2014 at 11:55am - intimacy - by fucksake (man) - Malaysia (Selangor)

Today, I got cited for "internet plagiarism" and called to the dean's office. I'd been sitting a closed-book written exam, and my teacher had been breathing down my neck the whole time. FML

#21169503
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40762) - you deserved it (3888)

On 06/10/2014 at 11:05am - misc - by Anonymous - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, a customer spent ages bitching me out, because he refused to believe he needed to upgrade his computer, which still runs Windows 98, in order to install a modern game for his grandson. He ended up calling my manager and trying to get me fired for scamming him. FML

#20853843
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40204) - you deserved it (2348)

On 08/25/2013 at 3:28pm - work - by what the fuck (man) - Malaysia (Selangor)

Today, my mom has forbidden me from drinking skim milk, because my sister is upset that I'm skinnier than her. The same sister who refuses to drink any other milk than 2% chocolate. FML

#20568813
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36994) - you deserved it (2440)

On 03/31/2013 at 6:27pm - misc - by jll14 (woman) - Malaysia (Sabah)

Today, after three weeks of holding out, my stingy boss finally called animal control about the birds in the air vent above the register. While I was working, they rummaged through the vents, causing live maggots to fall down right in front of me. FML

#20497093
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29249) - you deserved it (2231)

On 02/07/2013 at 2:44pm - animals - by shaviTuT (woman) - Malaysia (Johor)

Today, I set up a spy cam in my room to find out which one of my pervy brothers has been using my computer to watch porn. Turns out it was actually my father. I now have a video of him sitting in my chair masturbating, and I can't get it out of my head. FML

#20427916
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43564) - you deserved it (10724)

On 12/28/2012 at 2:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Malaysia (Selangor)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having Christmas dinner while his mom was away. I was lying alone on his bed while he did the dishes, when the bedroom door dramatically swung open and his mom glared at me from the doorway. I had to leave when she screamed "FORNICATION IS A SIN!" FML

#20420364
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32732) - you deserved it (3676)

On 12/25/2012 at 1:41am - love - by un_christmas - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML

#20154996
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16409) - you deserved it (26980)

On 11/08/2012 at 1:25pm - intimacy - by shit.... (man) - Malaysia (Selangor)

Today, trying to be smooth, I slipped the girl I like a piece of paper with my phone number written on it. A while later, she slipped it back to me and left the room. FML

#20083501
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9783) - you deserved it (16645)

On 09/22/2012 at 12:22pm - love - by pimpdaddyX (man) - Malaysia (Selangor)

Today, I was fooling around on Omegle, when I came across a guy who claimed he could suck himself off. I was doubtful, but morbidly curious, so I told him to prove it. Turns out he could. Before I could close the browser window in horror, my dad walked in and got a good look too. FML

#20018573
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11574) - you deserved it (32910)

On 08/13/2012 at 11:06am - intimacy - by didntevenknow (woman) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, my manager called me into his office and spent half an hour screaming at me for granting one of our workers so many religious off-days. Apparently, the name of these "religious observances" actually means something to the effect of "scoring some pussy" in Macedonian. FML

#19909832
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19657) - you deserved it (3733)

On 07/08/2012 at 2:32pm - work - by a4rk (man) - Malaysia (Sarawak)

Today, I started the job of my dreams. Our first marketing meeting was an in-depth analysis of the phrase, "Haters gonna hate, potatoes gonna potate". I have a 5 year contract. FML

#19611170
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20458) - you deserved it (4081)

On 05/12/2012 at 10:36am - work - by picklet (woman) - Malaysia (Negeri Sembilan)



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