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FMLs submitted from Lebanon

Today, I took a crap. When I stood up to admire my handiwork and flush, I noticed blood-red everywhere in the toilet. I freaked out like a little girl, thinking I was bleeding out of my ass. Then I noticed the ketchup packets my roommate had slipped under the seat to prank me. FML

#21319149
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29963) - you deserved it (5726)

On 12/17/2014 at 1:47pm - misc - by RIP Turd (peacebeuponit) (man) - Lebanon (Beyrouth)

Today, less than a day after my cranky downstairs neighbor passed away, I woke up to banging sounds against his apartment ceiling, like the ones he used to make whenever I walked around during the night. I'm shitting myself in fear. FML

#21161740
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46165) - you deserved it (4327)

On 06/03/2014 at 3:01pm - misc - by mdsfkljsfsdrewr (man) - Lebanon (Beyrouth)

Today, my mom called to bestow upon me warm holiday pearls of wisdom: "I hope you aren't giving everyone your natural handmade eco-shit again. Gifts should be returnable. And have a price." FML

Today, I went to a really important job interview. During it, I accidentally let out a burp, came down with nervous hiccups, and when I tried to quietly ease out some painful gas that was building up, it came out as a massive, rancid fart. I'll definitely be unemployed for a while yet. FML

#20898243
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42280) - you deserved it (9576)

On 09/27/2013 at 5:33pm - work - by ;_;" (woman) - Lebanon (Beyrouth)

Today, I realized that my grandma has pictures of all her grandchildren all over her house, with one glaring exception: me. FML

Today, I was having dinner at a long-time friend's place. In a matter of 15 minutes, her mom had managed to establish unequivocally that three kinds of people were ruining the world: vegetarians, atheists and homosexuals. I'm all three rolled into one. She knows that. FML

#20804013
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45944) - you deserved it (15066)

On 07/26/2013 at 1:31am - misc - by WhyThankYou (woman) - Lebanon (Beyrouth)

Today, I went on an overnight airplane flight. I wanted to be comfy so I took off my shorts, threw a blanket over myself, and slept. When the lights came back on, I ran to the bathroom before they served food. After using the bathroom, I noticed I hadn't put my shorts back on. FML

#19988832
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6060) - you deserved it (36388)

On 07/28/2012 at 9:26am - misc - by anonymous - Lebanon

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

#19506149
430 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44311) - you deserved it (4060)

On 04/21/2012 at 1:38pm - intimacy - by Hakimstah (man) - Lebanon

Today, my mom was freaking out about me handling a CD-ROM with my bare hands. When I asked her what all the commotion was about, she said she was worried that I would catch "one of those computer viruses" she'd heard about on the news. FML

#18974920
217 comments

Today, I found a condom on my bed with a note written by my girlfriend that said, "Since you started acting like a dick, you might as well dress like one." FML

#18345679
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11992) - you deserved it (56476)

On 11/25/2011 at 10:02am - intimacy - by Dickhead - Lebanon

Today, I surprised my boyfriend by buying him an expensive watch for his birthday. He responded with "Aww, you could've just given me head, babe." FML

#17786349
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32787) - you deserved it (8333)

On 09/20/2011 at 4:25am - intimacy - by Alexandra (woman) - Lebanon

Today, I was trying to convince a friend that even though I'm blonde, I'm not the oblivious or stupid moron everyone apparently thinks I am. Then I smacked face-first into a glass door. FML

#16057186
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25295) - you deserved it (28617)

On 05/05/2011 at 4:01pm - misc - by Blondie (woman) - Lebanon (Beyrouth)

Today, I found out that it's extremely difficult to take a dump while holding a cup under your ass for a lab specimen. I also found out that you get so nervous that you can actually forget to lock the door. FML

#14635663
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24599) - you deserved it (5042)

On 01/19/2011 at 3:34am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Lebanon



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