FMLs submitted from Israel

Today, my mom told me that she doesn't want me to help any of my friends get a job at the restaurant I work at. Apparently, she thinks that they would do a better job than me and get me fired. FML

by son / 03/18/2010 at 7:15am / Israel (Tel Aviv) / Work

Today, after months of searching I finally got a job interview. Too bad I didn't have enough money to buy a bus ticket to get there. FML

by Anonymous / 02/24/2010 at 9:20am / Israel (Tel Aviv) / Work

Today, I finally removed my car insurance after realizing it costs too much money. Since I then had more money, I went to celebrate with ice cream. On the way, I got hit by a truck. FML

by jk2010 / 02/03/2010 at 12:44pm / Israel (Tel Aviv) / Transportation

Today, I wanted to remove my mustache hair with hot wax. The hair is still there, but my skin is all burnt dark brown. Tomorrow is my first day at school. FML

by queenofdeath / 01/16/2010 at 1:16pm / Israel (Tel Aviv) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to an amusement park with my family. A couple of cute girls started talking to me, telling me how much they liked my dreads. Seeing this, my mother stepped up next to me, patted me on the shoulder, and said, "This here is my little baby, treat him nicely!" Thanks, Mom. FML

by Dreadge / 01/15/2010 at 2:37pm / Israel (Hefa) / Miscellaneous

Today, my crush of over a year came over for me to take her on our first date. Today was also the day my drunk parents decided to dance the chicken dance in our front yard, naked. FML

by JK2010 / 01/11/2010 at 1:12pm / Israel (Hefa) / Love

Today, we had a hike at my camp. We hiked in a line. I suddenly felt things hitting me at the back of the head. After a few minutes I finally turn around, only to discover a bunch of older guys throwing tampons at my head. They were my tampons, falling one by one out of my unzipped bag. FML

by Rachel247 / 08/01/2009 at 7:13pm / Israel (HaMerkaz) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up late. My grandparents had slept over the night before but they usually left early. I heard someone in the kitchen and thinking it was my brother, I said "Thank god, the geriatric crew is FINALLY gone." My grandma responds, "No we're not." FML

by Anonymous / 06/28/2009 at 2:25pm / Israel (Tel Aviv) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was woken up by a funky smell. My dog had eaten a dead bird and thrown up all over my bed and floor. At 4 o'clock in the morning I had to clean up regurgitated bits of bird, feathers, blood and dog food. The smell still hasn't gone away. FML

by Tom / 06/15/2009 at 6:07am / Israel (Tel Aviv) / Animals

Today, I found out that my extremely-flat chested cousin recently got a boob job. When my mom found out, she said "Oh that's great! They look so good!". Then she looks at me and tells me that I should get one. Everyone including my own mother thinks I should get a boob job. FML

by strawberrykiwi62 / 06/11/2009 at 5:09am / Israel (Tel Aviv) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got an "Enlarge your penis" email for the millionth time. I was about to dismiss it when I saw the FW: from my wife. FML

by Ariel / 06/02/2009 at 8:19am / Israel (HaMerkaz) / Intimacy

Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitress cleaned up our table there was a drop of mayonnaise on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was bird shit. FML

by MJ3105 / 05/07/2009 at 7:36am / Israel / Animals

Today, I was on a bus and a man was feeling up my butt. I was just about to step on his foot when the bus stopped and he slipped out. Only then did I realize he'd stolen my wallet. FML

by Nicked / 04/25/2009 at 7:50am / Israel / Money