FMLs submitted from Ireland

Today, I passed a field where some kids were playing football. The ball rolled over in my direction, so they asked me to kick it over. I tried and failed three times, and ended up throwing it over, where it embarrassingly landed about 2 feet away. They had to come over and get it. FML

by Hannah / 03/22/2012 at 1:21pm / Ireland (Wexford) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML

by Anonymous / 03/16/2012 at 4:23pm / Ireland / Intimacy

Today, my 18-year old son decided to run his hand over our wooden fence to try and get a splinter, as he "forgot what they felt like." Last month, he stabbed himself in the arm with a sewing needle because he "forgot what an injection feels like." I raised this idiot. FML

by badmom / 02/25/2012 at 6:25am / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to use antiperspirant deodorant under my breasts. FML

by Anonymous / 02/24/2012 at 10:05am / Ireland / Health

Today, I got bored looking at porn. FML

by MyHeadHurts / 01/20/2012 at 5:42am / Ireland / Intimacy

Today, I turned on the news to see a live report about an increase in crime in my town. One minute in, my drunk daughter appears behind the news reporter, butt naked, dancing. FML

by MakesMeLol / 01/18/2012 at 5:30pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I texted a friend offering my condolences over the death of his grandfather. He hadn't been told his grandfather had died yet. FML

by cmolloy / 12/21/2011 at 9:40am / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I stepped in a pile of dog shit. While trying to get it off by wiping my foot on the grass, I stepped in another pile. FML

by Anonymous / 11/10/2011 at 12:07pm / Ireland (Cork) / Animals

Today, I came home crying and informed my mother that someone had called me a 'fat bitch' today. She held me at arms length, looked me straight in the eyes, and lovingly said, "You can't change who you are." FML

by Anonymous / 10/20/2011 at 12:16pm / Ireland (Meath) / Miscellaneous

Today, after a week of searching, I found my escaped snake. In my umbrella, outside, after opening it over my head. FML

Today, during my second day as a receptionist, every time the phone rang I jumped in shock. My co-workers now already think I'm weird. FML

by Robyn / 10/04/2011 at 5:35am / Ireland / Work

Today, I started my shift as a cop, patrolling the streets on a bicycle. Everywhere I went, gangs of youths yelled stuff out at me, like "Bike twat", "Pig on wheels", "That's a girl's bike you muppet" and "Go on wanker, do a wheelie." FML

by Andrew / 08/28/2011 at 6:37pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Work

Today, I found out that my German wasn't as great as I thought it was. Trying to give directions to some German tourists, I tried to say, "I hope I don't get you lost." Turns out I actually said something closer to, "I hope I don't seduce you." FML

by lostforwords / 08/06/2011 at 3:10pm / Ireland (Tipperary) / Miscellaneous