FMLs submitted from Ireland

Today, my 13-year-old sister told me that she wants to get pregnant soon to stop her periods for a while. I can't believe we're related. FML

Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML

by njh / 03/27/2015 at 9:29am / Ireland / Kids

Today, while studying for a big test at the library, some idiots started playing hide-and-seek. After putting up with their snorting and giggling for nearly an hour, I finally lost my shit and told them to knock it off. I then got kicked out for causing a disturbance. FML

by faaail / 03/24/2015 at 12:51pm / Ireland (Cork) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend wanted to roleplay as a schoolgirl. I was excited, until we started and she asked me to lick her "vajayjay". I cringed so hard, my skull practically caved in. I broke down laughing while trying to explain my cringing. Now she's pissed and I'm blue-balled. FML

by Anonymous / 02/14/2015 at 12:47pm / Ireland / Intimacy

Today, I experienced the horror of walking in on my best friend fondling his tits. Yes, "his". FML

by barf / 02/06/2015 at 6:00pm / Ireland / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a job interview at a café. The interviewer asked me my availability and I told her that I was fully flexible. She laughed and said, "Really? That's tragic." FML

by tipmeover / 01/28/2015 at 8:09am / Ireland (Dublin) / Work

Today, after the longest time, I went to the gym. I ran and ran and ran on the treadmill for an eternity, beating myself up for getting so overweight. Then I tripped and fell off, sweating and sobbing for being so useless. When I looked up, I saw I'd been on the machine for barely 2 minutes. FML

by Anonymous / 01/18/2015 at 11:34am / Ireland / Health

Today, I went to a club to celebrate New Year's Eve. A cute guy came up to me at the bar and asked my name. I thought my 8 year long dry spell was finally about to end. I smiled and said "Chrissy!" He said "That's a whore's name!" and wandered back off into the crowd. FML

by cakestar9 / 12/31/2014 at 2:39pm / Ireland (Clare) / Love

Today, I found out my boyfriend uses a period tracker app to find out when we can fuck. FML

by Anon / 12/11/2014 at 1:13pm / Ireland (Cork) / Intimacy

Today, while clearing stuff out of the basement, I found my ex-wife's old electronic diary device from the '90s. I found the charger, powered it up, and had soon read all about out she'd been cheating on me for almost half our marriage with the guy she's now married to. FML

by Anonymous / 12/07/2014 at 2:20pm / Ireland (Galway) / Love

Today, I was having some rare good sex with my husband, when he suddenly said "I'm fuckin' BORED," and pulled out so he could go play his video games. FML

by Anonymous / 11/22/2014 at 1:18pm / Ireland (Kilkenny) / Intimacy

Today, I slipped on a wet floor at the supermarket and busted my nose. It wouldn't be as embarrassing if I hadn't missed the "CAUTION: WET FLOOR" sign that I'd put there myself just 30 minutes earlier. FML

by fark / 11/20/2014 at 3:45pm / Ireland / Health

Today, my wife and I had an argument serious enough to end our marriage, while overseas on vacation, with my whole family present. Three more days of awkward tension until we get to fly home and it all ends. FML

by overseasbummer / 11/14/2014 at 2:09pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Love