FMLs submitted from Ireland

Today, my boyfriend of a year and a half informed me that he had "accepted" my stomach, even though it didn't conform to his "preference" for a flat stomach. He then added that his acceptance doesn't extend to my "chunky thighs". FML

by chunky monkey / 03/14/2016 at 2:26pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Love

Today, I got to work and saw a new desk had been setup on stilts. 'Oh, who got the standing desk?' I asked. Turns out it's for the guy in the wheelchair who was right behind me. It needs to be high so the controls of his wheelchair can fit under the desk. FML

by Anonymous / 02/02/2016 at 5:06am / Ireland (Cork) / Work

Today, I'm so lazy, I dread getting up early on days that haven't arrived yet. For stuff I actually like doing, too. FML

by Anonymous / 01/21/2016 at 8:00am / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous

Today, my housemate walked out of the bathroom with my toothbrush in his mouth and asked, "You're not one of those people who cares if someone uses their toothbrush, are you?" FML

by WellGroomed / 11/26/2015 at 10:20am / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a concert and the performer told everyone to wave their phones in the air. I threw my hand up and then a huge woman caught my iPhone and disappeared into the crowd. FML

Today, I went to the gym to try to get into shape. While I was running on the treadmill, my beer belly pushed against the emergency stop button, twice. FML

by Iarla_ceapaire93 / 06/16/2015 at 1:27pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Health

Today, my housemate got back at me for asking for her share of a bill by losing her virginity to the guy I like, very loudly. FML

by Anonymous / 06/09/2015 at 4:52pm / Ireland / Intimacy

Today, I went to the living room where my mother was so I could ask her about something. I found her lying pantsless on the couch trying to cut her pubic hair with a pair of scissors. FML

by Anonymous / 06/08/2015 at 7:13pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had sex with a guy I've liked for ages. We were lying in his bed afterwards, and he mumbled the word "happy". I thought it was really sweet, until he repeated himself. "My girlfriend probably won't be too happy about this." FML

by YouDontSay / 05/10/2015 at 11:35am / Ireland (Dublin) / Intimacy

Today, I tried to write a bad review for the fast-food place at which I work part-time. My username made me anonymous, but I forgot to change my profile picture. Now my manager and coworkers won't even speak to me. FML

by Freelman / 05/06/2015 at 10:34am / Ireland (Dublin) / Work

Today, I failed a major exam. It wasn't because I didn't prepare for it, though. I failed because somebody sneezed during it and I said "bless you." Apparently, that's classed as cheating. FML

Today, I was staying at my boyfriend's house while he was at work, and put on his pants to make some tea. As I took my hot tea and laptop upstairs, the pants slowly started to fall down. I had to keep climbing with my pants around my knees, and shuffle awkwardly past my boyfriend's father. FML

Today, I overheard my uncle talking about me to his friends. Nothing serious, just that he'd fuck me senseless if we weren't related. FML

by Anonymous / 04/24/2015 at 3:39pm / Ireland (Laois) / Intimacy