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FMLs submitted from Germany

Today, I was at a zoo with some friends in Germany. People were talking to this bird and it responded in complete, grammatically correct German sentences. One of my friends said 'Wow, that bird has better grammar than the exchange student!' A bird speaks better German than me. FML

#6389403
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24830) - you deserved it (4491)

On 11/21/2009 at 7:19am - animals - by bird-brain (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, after spending about 5 years to go back to school, get my life together and get a real job, I now make about $100 less a month. I used to work as a dishwasher. FML

#6325023
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26585) - you deserved it (2515)

On 11/16/2009 at 10:14am - work - by tsu3 (man) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I found out that my mom called my boss informing him that I am a little behind on some college projects. She felt he should know that she fears I might not be able to graduate on the planned date. My boss had already offered me a permanent job. I may not get that job now. FML

#6287730
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30803) - you deserved it (2536)

On 11/13/2009 at 2:13pm - work - by fuckedup (man) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, some friends and I went to Cosmic Bowling where they have a blacklight. Everyone's teeth were glowing. Mine weren't. FML

#6208863
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12948) - you deserved it (35731)

On 11/08/2009 at 6:12am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg)

Today, I finally got a date with one of the hottest girls in school, a perfect 10. Just before I go to pick her up to go to the movies, I call her to find out where she lives. She answers the phone only to hear my father yelling in the background, "stop talking to that whore." FML

#6193118
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34925) - you deserved it (4473)

On 11/07/2009 at 6:58am - love - by PISSED (man) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I was at the McDonalds drive-thru getting my morning coffee, when some guy slammed into the back of my car. I'm so happy I was holding the cup between my legs at that very moment, because now I have 2nd degree burns on my lady parts. FML

#6151302
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36554) - you deserved it (6645)

On 11/04/2009 at 2:02pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML

#6097881
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32357) - you deserved it (1944)

On 11/01/2009 at 6:33am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Berlin)

Today, I finally plucked up the courage to propose to my girlfriend of 7 months. I took her out to the park where we had our first kiss, I got down on one knee, and before I could say "Will you marry me" a bird shat on my head. FML

#5755233
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43163) - you deserved it (6356)

On 10/10/2009 at 8:52am - love - by -bird-poop- (man) - Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz)

Today, I was at a party with my girlfriend and this older guy came in and started talking to me about his rock climbing lessons earlier that week. I told him "I'm really drunk, so I really couldn't give a shit about what you did." It was my girlfriend's father picking her up to go home. FML

Today, I worked in a clinic as a intern. A nurse was called to dry a woman's hair. I followed her, trying to be a good intern. After the nurse was done, the 72 year old woman took off her bathrobe. While looking at me she sat down, her legs wide open. And, yes, she knew she was naked. FML

#4156850
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34763) - you deserved it (2932)

On 07/30/2009 at 9:33am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I phoned one of the IT guys upstairs for help with my PC. He said it would only take a few minutes; and would just fix it through a direct connection from his computer to mine. Hours later; I was feeling devilish, and quickly checked out an adult website. Mr IT Guy was still connected. FML

#3955327
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7143) - you deserved it (61280)

On 07/22/2009 at 4:06pm - work - by debodave (man) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I applied for my first job. I didn't know how to write a resume, so I copied and pasted one from someone else and reworked it. I got on the bus, handed it in, and left. Then I remembered I forgot to change the contact info and date. FML

#3743203
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6939) - you deserved it (68086)

On 07/14/2009 at 11:27am - work - by captainfail (woman) - Germany (Bremen)

Today, I met my cousin after two years. She got really tall and skinny, like a model. I joked saying, "You've grown and gotten slim, and I've stayed the same and have gotten fat." I expected some sort of disagreement. Instead, she looked me up and down, frowned, and gave me a long, sympathetic hug. FML

#2736188
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20227) - you deserved it (44856)

On 06/09/2009 at 4:39am - health - by fatty (woman) - Germany (Hessen)



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