Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from Germany

Today, I was installing TVs in a hospital. When I knocked on a door, a female voice asked me to come in. I opened the door to see an 80 year old woman standing in front of me, naked. She then complained when I hesitated to help her to put some clothes on. FML

#12483981
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22515) - you deserved it (2139)

On 08/12/2010 at 7:21pm - misc - by Olorin (man) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I was practising the violin in my apartment. A man knocked on the door and introduced himself with a smile, saying he wanted to know my "schedule." I replied, "I'm pretty busy but maybe we could get a drink sometime." To which he replied, "No, I just want to know when you'll stop." FML

#11960471
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20746) - you deserved it (17782)

On 07/18/2010 at 10:18am - misc - by holly (woman) - Germany (Berlin)

Today, I spent some time in a sun-bed to prepare myself for a very special reunion with my boyfriend, who I haven't seen in 6 months. I hope he likes crispy red butt-cheeks, and I wonder whether they will start peeling before or after he returns. FML

#10938636
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6553) - you deserved it (29572)

On 06/03/2010 at 3:55am - health - by Aiaiii (woman) - Germany (Niedersachsen)

Today, I decided to take a nap before a big job interview at 6. I set two alarm clocks to make sure I didn't miss it, but I woke up at 5:59. As I'm scrambling in a panic to get out the door, my mom says calmly, "I took your alarm clocks out of your room because you looked really tired today." FML

#10841820
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35406) - you deserved it (2869)

On 05/29/2010 at 1:39pm - misc - by thanksmum (woman) - Germany (Berlin)

Today, I went to the pharmacy and asked the very attractive pharmacist what to do about the terrible itching under my cast. She told me to be a man and deal with it. FML

#8797696
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15973) - you deserved it (5754)

On 03/03/2010 at 11:46am - health - by brokenarm (man) - Germany (Niedersachsen)

Today, I was making schnitzel at our kitchen so I had to get rid of all the oil. So I decided it would be best to put the hot pan on our porch so the oil would cool down and then I could get rid of it. Unfortunately the ground is sealed with tar, so the tar melted and now the pan is stuck to the ground. FML

#8583652
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6619) - you deserved it (23598)

On 02/23/2010 at 7:54am - health - by peterpan (man) - Germany (Hessen)

Today, I was at a zoo with some friends in Germany. People were talking to this bird and it responded in complete, grammatically correct German sentences. One of my friends said 'Wow, that bird has better grammar than the exchange student!' A bird speaks better German than me. FML

#6389403
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23270) - you deserved it (4315)

On 11/21/2009 at 7:19am - animals - by bird-brain (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, after spending about 5 years to go back to school, get my life together and get a real job, I now make about $100 less a month. I used to work as a dishwasher. FML

#6325023
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21562) - you deserved it (1844)

On 11/16/2009 at 10:14am - work - by tsu3 (man) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I found out that my mom called my boss informing him that I am a little behind on some college projects. She felt he should know that she fears I might not be able to graduate on the planned date. My boss had already offered me a permanent job. I may not get that job now. FML

#6287730
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29126) - you deserved it (2402)

On 11/13/2009 at 2:13pm - work - by fuckedup (man) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, some friends and I went to Cosmic Bowling where they have a blacklight. Everyone's teeth were glowing. Mine weren't. FML

#6208863
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11307) - you deserved it (32915)

On 11/08/2009 at 6:12am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg)

Today, I finally got a date with one of the hottest girls in school, a perfect 10. Just before I go to pick her up to go to the movies, I call her to find out where she lives. She answers the phone only to hear my father yelling in the background, "stop talking to that whore." FML

#6193118
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32231) - you deserved it (4182)

On 11/07/2009 at 6:58am - love - by PISSED (man) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I was at the McDonalds drive-thru getting my morning coffee, when some guy slammed into the back of my car. I'm so happy I was holding the cup between my legs at that very moment, because now I have 2nd degree burns on my lady parts. FML

#6151302
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33743) - you deserved it (6329)

On 11/04/2009 at 2:02pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML

#6097881
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31012) - you deserved it (1836)

On 11/01/2009 at 6:33am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Berlin)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: