FMLs submitted from Germany

Today, I received a package from Amazon. My mum smiled at me when I entered the living room, pointing to my package. She had already opened it and held back her smile. My penis pills for longer endurance just got delivered. FML

by Wrabel / 06/08/2015 at 12:00pm / Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz) / Intimacy

Today, my mom found my weed stash and went berserk, grounding me and saying she's going to have my bedroom door removed. Less than an hour later, I found her laughing and smoking the same stash with my dad in the backyard. FML

by lehonX9 / 06/06/2015 at 5:11am / Germany (Niedersachsen) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to write my own notice for enforced redundancy because my boss just went on a two week vacation. He told me to just forge his signature and that, if I wouldn't do it, he'd just make something up to dismiss me on codes of conduct. FML

Today, my aunt, whom I live with, told me she is going to move out and demanded her half of the rent back, as she only spent two days a week there. When I told her that's not how rent works, she called my mom to tell her what a failure she had raised. Her own sons are unemployed drug addicts. FML

by Failure / 05/22/2015 at 6:14pm / Germany (Sachsen-Anhalt) / Money

Today, after taking my crush to the train station late at night, I sat in a local park alone with my thoughts for a while. Two cops appeared out of nowhere and started searching me for drugs and weapons, asking me questions for a good 30 minutes. Not the kind of action I expected tonight. FML

by Anonymous / 05/19/2015 at 4:49pm / Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg) / Love

Today, I had an outdoor meeting with some important clients. It wasn't until the meeting was over that my coworker decided to inform me that I had bird poop in my hair "pretty much the entire time." FML

by lily_marleen / 05/17/2015 at 5:27pm / Germany (Bayern) / Work

Today, my boyfriend told me that we wouldn't move in together as we had planned to do for a long time. His mother forbade it. He is 27. FML

by forever alone / 05/09/2015 at 7:03pm / Germany (Thuringen) / Love

Today, my boss finally did something nice for me and bought me a coffee. By mistake I poured salt in it. To not be ungrateful, I drank it all in front of her. FML

Today, I saw one one of my cat's hairs on my sweatpants and wanted to remove it. It wasn't a cat hair, but a pubic hair that has found its way through my panties and sweatpants while being still attached to me. FML

by PeppermintPenny / 04/06/2015 at 9:54am / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after several sleepless nights full of crying, I went to my university's free help center. After telling the psychologist my problems and asking what to do, he looked at me blankly and said, "Uh, it's not depression, I guess. You should go out more and, like, party some more." FML

by Anonymous / 03/03/2015 at 5:02pm / Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg) / Health

Today, at a paintball match, my boyfriend shot me between the legs and asked, "Still want kids now?" FML

by maybe? / 02/11/2015 at 11:11am / Germany (Hamburg) / Kids

Today, I came back to my dormitory after a long shift at work. After using the toilet, I looked at myself in the mirror, only to find a huge piece of food stuck between my front teeth. I work at one of the fanciest restaurants in town; nobody bothered to tell me anything. FML

by Eyalsh / 01/29/2015 at 11:53pm / Germany (Mecklenburg-Vorpommern) / Work

Today, a homeless guy tried to light my hair on fire with a match at the bus stop. FML

by burningman / 01/22/2015 at 5:40am / Germany (Hessen) / Transportation