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FMLs submitted from Germany

Today, after several sleepless nights full of crying, I went to my university's free help center. After telling the psychologist my problems and asking what to do, he looked at me blankly and said, "Uh, it's not depression, I guess. You should go out more and, like, party some more." FML

#21367402
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31980) - you deserved it (3065)

On 03/03/2015 at 5:02pm - health - by Anonymous - Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg)

Today, at a paintball match, my boyfriend shot me between the legs and asked, "Still want kids now?" FML

#21354035
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33808) - you deserved it (3801)

On 02/11/2015 at 11:11am - kids - by maybe? (woman) - Germany (Hamburg)

Today, I came back to my dormitory after a long shift at work. After using the toilet, I looked at myself in the mirror, only to find a huge piece of food stuck between my front teeth. I work at one of the fanciest restaurants in town; nobody bothered to tell me anything. FML

#21346560
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25749) - you deserved it (2638)

On 01/29/2015 at 11:53pm - work - by Eyalsh (man) - Germany (Mecklenburg-Vorpommern)

Today, a homeless guy tried to light my hair on fire with a match at the bus stop. FML

#21342118
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31407) - you deserved it (2533)

On 01/22/2015 at 5:40am - misc - by burningman (man) - Germany (Hessen)

Today, my boss sent me a Word document that he wanted me to make into a PowerPoint presentation for him. It was a set of proposals for the board of directors about cost-saving options. The third option was to eliminate my position in the company. FML

#21325772
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31826) - you deserved it (2068)

On 12/28/2014 at 8:56am - work - by HALIFAAA (man) - Germany (Niedersachsen)

Today, after finally finishing a huge internal rebranding project at work, which I've poured blood, sweat and tears into over the last 12 months, I found out we're being acquired by another company and that our new brand will no longer exist. FML

#21319043
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32570) - you deserved it (2275)

On 12/17/2014 at 8:43am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I blew my load in less than a minute. I wasn't having sex or even making out. I was spooning. FML

#21318416
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39934) - you deserved it (7943)

On 12/16/2014 at 7:01am - intimacy - by Extravirgin (man) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, the family computer's 15-year-old CRT monitor which gives me headaches finally stopped working. My dad quickly found a replacement: an even older CRT monitor that gives me worse headaches. FML

#21311912
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31936) - you deserved it (3079)

On 12/05/2014 at 9:00am - misc - by has an old monitor (man) - Germany (Berlin)

Today, after a huge fight, my girlfriend started coming onto me. I thought it was actual make-up sex and went along with it. It was great, until she suddenly shoved me off her just as I was almost ready to come. She smugly announced she was dumping me, got dressed, then left. FML

#21308219
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41962) - you deserved it (7504)

On 11/29/2014 at 4:08pm - intimacy - by blueballed (man) - Germany (Schleswig-Holstein)

Today, my coworker and I announced that we are spending our holidays together, because we both have kids. My boss announced he is coming with us. FML

#21303728
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31531) - you deserved it (3831)

On 11/22/2014 at 5:16am - work - by Carnage23 (man) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I've tried to have a quiet jack off four times, only for my dad to knock on my bedroom door within seconds and say "STOP IT." every single time. Now I'm too paranoid to even function. FML

#21302766
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37406) - you deserved it (8967)

On 11/20/2014 at 2:48pm - intimacy - by fuck fof and die dad (man) - Germany (Schleswig-Holstein)

Today, I thought I felt my cellphone vibrating. Turned out it was just my girlfriend letting out a vicious fart against my leg. FML

#21296102
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38095) - you deserved it (5607)

On 11/10/2014 at 9:28am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Berlin)

Today, my boyfriend gushed for several minutes about how amazing it is that I suddenly look hot when he takes his glasses off. FML

#21292702
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33181) - you deserved it (3188)

On 11/05/2014 at 1:49pm - love - by aspiemeanswell (woman) - Germany (Thuringen)



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