FMLs submitted from Germany

Today, I had to wait for my family for 12 hours at the wrong airport in Italy, and then take a €170 taxi to their hotel, because my sister thought that Venice and Rome have the same airport when the airline changed their travel plans. FML

Today, my dog was so happy to see me that he laid down on his back and started pissing like a fountain. He pissed on everything around him, including me. FML

by Koko / 04/07/2016 at 12:07pm / Germany (Berlin) / Animals

Today, I'm the only grandchild who regularly visits, calls and runs errands for my grandparents, even though I live two hours away. I'm also their biggest disappointment because I'm not married. FML

by Anonymous / 04/01/2016 at 8:30pm / Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw a ridiculously hot guy dining with his family. I decided not to flirt with him with his parents around but to ask his sister (who went to the restroom) to give him my phone number. When I came back, I saw her pointing a finger at me, and the whole family turning around and staring. FML

by Nightsong / 03/29/2016 at 10:54pm / Germany (Bayern) / Love

Today, my father-in-law left my wedding reception because he had to feed the dog. This would have been alright, if he hadn't been absent for nearly two hours. Apparently, just feeding the dog and leaving would have hurt the animal's feelings so he stayed to play with him for a while. FML

by Anonymous / 03/20/2016 at 11:58am / Germany (Berlin) / Miscellaneous

Today, while working in a customer service call center, a customer berated me for using a fake name. He said my name is "too stupid" to be real and that no sane person would ever use it. It was my real name. FML

by mynameisnotstupid / 03/18/2016 at 11:05am / Germany (Bayern) / Work

Today, it appears that moth larvae can make a water boiler their home, especially during my absence for four weeks. I learned it the hard way by pouring their boiled carcasses over my noodles. FML

by notgonnaeatthat / 03/17/2016 at 4:40pm / Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg) / Animals

Today, the company I work for decided to herald the step to becoming fully digital by hanging physical passive-aggressive flyers everywhere, urging everyone to go digital. Might as well have written, "Save the trees" on them. FML

by tdtf / 03/16/2016 at 5:11am / Germany (Bayern) / Work

Today, my dad posted on Facebook, apologizing to anyone he'd texted the night before. He said he'd gotten wasted and didn't mean anything he said. So much for that first ever "I'm proud of you" then. FML

by gayvsgay / 03/06/2016 at 10:31am / Germany (Saarland) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend had a complete breakdown. I was trying to calm her down and reassure her that she will accomplish all of her dreams. Her response: "Then why am I even with you?" FML

by stillloveherthough / 02/26/2016 at 12:54pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Love

Today, I heard a noise in my garage so I grabbed a baseball bat and went to look. The skunk I stirred was actually better armed than me. FML

by moosemay / 02/06/2016 at 6:42am / Germany (Bayern) / Animals

Today, I realized how much of a nutter my mother really is as she decided to write on a high visibility vest a "warning" that all foreigners, especially refugees, want to rape German women. She now wants to wear it each and every day in our hometown. FML

by ashamed / 01/20/2016 at 2:00pm / Germany / Miscellaneous

Today, I took my two-year-old daughter to the dentist for her first check-up. We were at the front desk when she tripped, fell and chipped her front tooth on the marble floor. FML

by moosemay / 01/19/2016 at 12:03pm / Germany (Bayern) / Kids