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FMLs submitted from Germany

Today, after finally finishing a huge internal rebranding project at work, which I've poured blood, sweat and tears into over the last 12 months, I found out we're being acquired by another company and that our new brand will no longer exist. FML

#21319043
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25942) - you deserved it (1730)

On 12/17/2014 at 8:43am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I blew my load in less than a minute. I wasn't having sex or even making out. I was spooning. FML

#21318416
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29499) - you deserved it (5623)

On 12/16/2014 at 7:01am - intimacy - by Extravirgin (man) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, the family computer's 15-year-old CRT monitor which gives me headaches finally stopped working. My dad quickly found a replacement: an even older CRT monitor that gives me worse headaches. FML

#21311912
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29315) - you deserved it (2691)

On 12/05/2014 at 9:00am - misc - by has an old monitor (man) - Germany (Berlin)

Today, after a huge fight, my girlfriend started coming onto me. I thought it was actual make-up sex and went along with it. It was great, until she suddenly shoved me off her just as I was almost ready to come. She smugly announced she was dumping me, got dressed, then left. FML

#21308219
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34764) - you deserved it (5748)

On 11/29/2014 at 4:08pm - intimacy - by blueballed (man) - Germany (Schleswig-Holstein)

Today, my coworker and I announced that we are spending our holidays together, because we both have kids. My boss announced he is coming with us. FML

#21303728
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28898) - you deserved it (3410)

On 11/22/2014 at 5:16am - work - by Carnage23 (man) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I've tried to have a quiet jack off four times, only for my dad to knock on my bedroom door within seconds and say "STOP IT." every single time. Now I'm too paranoid to even function. FML

#21302766
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31643) - you deserved it (7428)

On 11/20/2014 at 2:48pm - intimacy - by fuck fof and die dad (man) - Germany (Schleswig-Holstein)

Today, I thought I felt my cellphone vibrating. Turned out it was just my girlfriend letting out a vicious fart against my leg. FML

#21296102
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34955) - you deserved it (4910)

On 11/10/2014 at 9:28am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Berlin)

Today, my boyfriend gushed for several minutes about how amazing it is that I suddenly look hot when he takes his glasses off. FML

#21292702
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30129) - you deserved it (2696)

On 11/05/2014 at 1:49pm - love - by aspiemeanswell (woman) - Germany (Thuringen)

Today, my friend took our prank war too far when he secretly added peanuts to my food. I have a peanut allergy. FML

#21289188
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34066) - you deserved it (2778)

On 10/31/2014 at 5:12pm - health - by peanutprobs - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I spent an hour painstakingly disassembling my antique mirror after discovering a stack of papers behind the back board. I finally got hold of one corner, and pulled out - a newspaper from 2007 and instructions for an IKEA bed. FML

#21286426
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26232) - you deserved it (4212)

On 10/27/2014 at 5:18pm - misc - by TukTuk (woman) - Germany (Sachsen)

Today, my boyfriend tried to rid me of my hiccups. As he'd screamed at me and I'd pissed my pants, I just burst into tears. FML

#21279967
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29110) - you deserved it (3341)

On 10/17/2014 at 4:12pm - health - by catt - Germany (Berlin)

Today, after waiting well over a month for a work visa in Germany that should only have taken 3 weeks to come through, I finally received my long-awaited answer. Unfortunately, that answer was "We lost your paperwork." FML

#21264505
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33208) - you deserved it (2142)

On 09/24/2014 at 1:17pm - work - by AdriftInTheSeaOfPaperwork (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, my mother kicked me out of the house because her new boyfriend needs my room. Evidently he also needs my credit card, passport, and wallet too, because she kept all three, while tossing everything else out on the lawn. FML

#21234023
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46552) - you deserved it (2944)

On 08/10/2014 at 1:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Bayern)



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