FMLs submitted from France

Today, I asked my 7-year-old daughter what job she would like when she grows up. She calmly replied that she wouldn't have one; she'd just bring her husband round to my place and steal food from me. FML

by faitesdesgosses / 05/19/2014 at 10:27am / Kids

Today, my little sister was in charge of doing the vacuuming, when she decided our hamster had "dust on his back". FML

by gvmfvr / 05/08/2014 at 4:48pm / Animals

Today, it's been a week since I found an egg in the street that had seemingly fallen out of a nest. I'd bought a cage and an expensive incubator lamp to save it. It's thus been a week that I've been trying to save a mouldy old potato. FML

by mac cayne / 05/01/2014 at 11:13pm / France (Alsace) / Miscellaneous

Today, on a train, I nearly choked while sleeping with my mouth wide open. The little old lady sitting opposite me was entertaining herself by throwing little pieces of balled-up tin foil into my mouth. FML

by Anonyme / 04/24/2014 at 2:57am / France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur) / Transportation

Today, I'm 25 years old, I've got an education and I only now found out in front of 15 people that, no, sparrows are not small pigeons that are going to grow up. FML

by pablito / 04/17/2014 at 6:37am / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Animals

Today, I told my neighbor that I was going to Réunion Island on vacation in a few months. She said that she'd always wanted to go there. As a light-hearted joke, I said she should come with me. She's now booked a plane ticket. FML

by voyagevoyage / 04/09/2014 at 6:38pm / France (Centre) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dog wouldn't stop pestering me while I was eating some chocolate mousse. I tried to get him to leave me alone for a bit by pretending to throw the mousse far away. The pot stayed in my hand, but I covered the furniture in chocolate mousse. My dog enjoyed cleaning it up. FML

by MonsieurH / 04/03/2014 at 3:44am / France (Bretagne) / Animals

Today, I'm in Venice for a romantic weekend. While I was gushing about the gondolas, canals and the city of love in general, the only thing my boyfriend could say was, "Wow! How cool is it to be on the set of the Tomb Raider movie?" FML

by annesolmm / 03/27/2014 at 9:17pm / Love

Today, I decided to clean my apartment from top to bottom. Once I was done, I looked over at my puppy, who then woke up, stretched, got out of his basket and started to pee. I shouted, "No!" Scared, he then ran all over the place, still peeing. FML

by Shiva / 03/18/2014 at 4:46am / France (Poitou-Charentes) / Animals

Today, in the middle of a Spanish oral exam, I start to panic. My teacher suggests I say whatever pops into my head. I blurt out, "Heeey Macarena!" FML

by LeChameauTrisomique / 03/14/2014 at 12:33am / France (Centre) / Work

Today, I confessed my love for the girl I like, on the forum she moderates. She responded by banning me. FML

by Depirama / 02/28/2014 at 4:26pm / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Love

Today, I called a company for a problem with our septic tank. Two workers show up, I take them into the garden to show them the manhole cover at the top of it. They open it up. We then gaze upon a sea of condoms floating on the surface. My wife and I don't use condoms. FML

by Maxime / 02/27/2014 at 7:32pm / Love

Today, my boss fired me. I can't really explain the slap I gave him for it, though. FML

by sistermonster / 02/26/2014 at 4:45am / France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur) / Work