FMLs submitted from France

Today, I decided to teach my dog not to be scared of the vacuum cleaner. I grab the handle and get it close to her. She runs off and hides behind the couch and pisses everywhere. FML

by Slaanesh / 12/12/2008 at 7:08am / Animals

Today, I opened my laptop in the train to watch a good film I had downloaded. Of course, it was a fake and the whole carriage was allowed to watch and hear five seconds of butt licking. FML

by Jumanji / 12/12/2008 at 1:05am / Geek

Today, I cut my nice and tasty home-made sandwich in half to give to a homeless man. He tasted it, pulled an unimpressed face, and then stuck it in his pocket. FML

by groom / 12/11/2008 at 9:30pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my son laughed at me when I tried to get him to put a bit more effort into his schoolwork. His grandmother had kindly given him all my shitty school reports from when I was his age. FML

by fataldisease / 12/11/2008 at 7:21am / Kids

Today, I argued with a boy from school over a girl. I didn't know he was a black belt judoka. I'm still in pain. FML

by Pfff / 12/11/2008 at 5:40am / Miscellaneous

Today, a girl in my class turned around and said, "Wow, you've got your photo on a rubber! That's amazing!" The rubber was designed to look like a £10 note, and the picture was of the Queen of England. FML

by Elizabeth / 12/11/2008 at 12:13am / Miscellaneous

Today, and for the third time this week, my bank manager called me to tell me that my account is still overdrawn. He doesn't seem to understand that my wages always get paid at the end of the month. FML

by dmlk / 12/10/2008 at 6:09am / Money

Today, during foreplay with my boyfriend, I put my legs around his neck. He pushed them away violently, shouting, "Bloody hell, it's prickling me!" I'd shaved the day before. FML

by Sugao / 12/10/2008 at 2:48am / Intimacy

Today, on the bus, a young high school boy sat down next to me and started to chat me up. I thought it was cute until he asked me which high school I was attending. I'm 27, I'm married, I have a child. FML

by Rita / 12/09/2008 at 11:58pm / Kids

Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML

by Clader / 12/09/2008 at 10:09pm / Love

Today, I was working and eating. I was so tired that I crunched my pen and crushed my chocolate-filled pastry on my exercise book. FML

by Heyme / 12/09/2008 at 8:50am / Miscellaneous

Today, I arrived right on time for my train. Only problem, it was the wrong station. FML

by Idi / 12/09/2008 at 7:54am / Transportation

Today, I began to undress my wife, who was watching TV, and gave her a massage to relax her while she watched her soap. 20 minutes later, when the programme came to an end, she said "I wish you'd let me watch TV in peace!". FML

by Velian / 12/09/2008 at 3:59am / Love