FMLs submitted from France

Today, I tested a new drug designed to fight headaches. It had quite an effect on me, more specifically side effects: nausea, dizzyness and diarrhea. FML

by blabla / 12/23/2008 at 3:57am / Health

Today, it's my birthday. My ex just sent me a text. I read it, happy he had remembered. He wanted me to know he has a new girlfriend. FML

by Plume / 12/23/2008 at 2:43am / Love

Today, I wore myself out cooking, preparing tasty little dishes for my sweetheart. I heard him arrive and shout as he went up the stairs, "It stinks of shit in here! Have you been cooking?" I threw everything in the bin. We can eat sandwiches. FML

by zazadudu / 12/23/2008 at 1:47am / Love

Today, my boss asked me "can I give you some constructive criticism?". I said yes. He tells me "Your work is really shit. You have no talent and I can't figure out why I hired you." FML

by crapules / 12/22/2008 at 11:18pm / Work

Today, I decide to go to my ex-girlfriend's house to bring her stuff back. I broke up with her earlier this week after a 2 year relationship, and I'd hoped she would have realized her mistake and ask me to stay for a bit and talk. I ring the doorbell and her new boyfriend opens the door. FML

by noname / 12/22/2008 at 6:54am / Love

Today, my girlfriend complained that I don't kiss her often enough. The problem is her breath. It's disgusting. I gently answer: 'Well, you don't kiss me often either!". So now she keeps kissing me. FML

by Julian / 12/22/2008 at 2:45am / Love

Today, someone stole both rear view mirrors from my scooter. And where was the police? They were 500m down the road, waiting to stop me for not having any mirrors. FML

by daddy / 12/22/2008 at 12:43am / Money

Today, I'm 65 years old, and I've been given a bottle of wine produced in the year I was born. The wine tastes foul; not a good omen. FML

by Phil / 12/21/2008 at 7:14am / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend told me that she woke up after yesterday’s party with someone else’s trousers. FML

by Yudor / 12/21/2008 at 4:40am / Love

Today, I played a table tennis final in public. After winning, I went to shake my opponent's hand. He doesn't react or move. It was only the first set. FML

by Bito / 12/21/2008 at 2:00am / Miscellaneous

Today, Father Christmas touched my ass in a shopping mall. I'm a bit worried about what's going to happen on Christmas Day. FML

by Loola / 12/21/2008 at 12:04am / Miscellaneous

Today, as I was pressed for time, I opened some canned food for dinner. When my children were served, they said, "Mmm, this is best meal you've ever cooked for us!" I cook healthy, balanced meals every day. FML

by Lola / 12/20/2008 at 7:23am / Kids

Today, I opened a packet of cereal and it exploded on my keyboard; now, my keyboard crackles. FML

by Rabzouz / 12/20/2008 at 3:16am / Geek