FMLs submitted from France

Today, I dressed in my sexiest clothes to meet my new boyfriend at a restaurant. As I was a bit early, I took the opportunity to smoke a cigarette outside while I waited. The restaurant owner came out and said, "Hey, you. Go and 'work' somewhere else, please." FML

by Lola / 12/26/2008 at 1:32am / Love

Today, at work as an optician, I gave a little girl a new pair of glasses and asked her if she could see well with them. She replied, "Oh yes, you have two big spots on your nose!" FML

by jamjamy / 12/25/2008 at 11:53pm / Work

Today, I was reading the end of my book. I turn the page and see, written at the top: "Lauren kills Paul in the end... You shouldn't have pissed me off." It was from my sister, we had a fight yesterday. FML

by poupi / 12/25/2008 at 7:57am / Miscellaneous

Today, I sat in the train and the old lady sitting next to me stares at my face. I ask her if she is ok and she starts yelling "Willy! It's you! Where have you been all this time?". The entire train trip went like this. FML

by LDF / 12/25/2008 at 5:30am / Transportation

Today, feeling romantic and overwhelmed with love, I told my fiancée: "I don't know what I'd do without you." She replied: "Well, you'd wank". FML

by Nicos / 12/25/2008 at 1:07am / Intimacy

Today, I sent a text message to a guy I like, saying, "Dear Santa, I want to fall in love." He replied: "Wait for next Christmas..." FML

by Marou / 12/24/2008 at 8:54pm / Love

Today, I made love to my girlfriend. I penetrated her for a while, then stopped to get my breath back... She carried on moaning even though I'd stopped moving. FML

by sixsix / 12/24/2008 at 6:19am / Intimacy

Today, I was jerking off in the train washroom when the ticket inspector knocked at the door. I was nearly done so I didn't open right away. I didn't think he would have the key…I found myself face to face with him and three other passengers. The worst being I didn't have a ticket. FML

by lip / 12/24/2008 at 3:40am / Intimacy

Today, I phoned up my bank's customer service department. I waited eleven minutes on hold with the lovely music, and when a woman finally picked up, I ran out of phone credit. FML

by Colin / 12/24/2008 at 12:56am / Money

Today, while I was looking for a file on my boyfriend's hard drive, I came across photos of a half-naked woman wearing my clothes, but whose head wasn't really visible. When I demanded an explanation, I realised that it wasn't another girl - it was him. FML

by Lililaloose / 12/23/2008 at 11:11pm / Love

Today, I tested a new drug designed to fight headaches. It had quite an effect on me, more specifically side effects: nausea, dizzyness and diarrhea. FML

by blabla / 12/23/2008 at 3:57am / Health

Today, it's my birthday. My ex just sent me a text. I read it, happy he had remembered. He wanted me to know he has a new girlfriend. FML

by Plume / 12/23/2008 at 2:43am / Love

Today, I wore myself out cooking, preparing tasty little dishes for my sweetheart. I heard him arrive and shout as he went up the stairs, "It stinks of shit in here! Have you been cooking?" I threw everything in the bin. We can eat sandwiches. FML

by zazadudu / 12/23/2008 at 1:47am / Love