FMLs submitted from France

Today, my boss got a promotion and I got laid off. FML

Today, me and my sister hear a buzzing noise in our parent's bedroom. We go to investigate. It's coming from a drawer. We open it up. Battery operated dildo. FML

Today, I'm a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. On new years, my mom called and asked what kind of champagne I want. FML

Today, I was at a restaurant with my boyfriend. I look him straight in the eye and ask him: "What's the first thing you think about when you look at me?". His answer: "Can I finish my steak?" FML

by Undefined / 01/01/2009 at 7:09am / Love

Today, and for the last 8 months my upstairs neighbours have been making a tremendous noise. I finally decided to go up to complain: "The amount of noise you make is unbelievable ! It sounds like you're driving tractors up here!". The woman replies: "My husband is paraplegic..." FML

Today, my girlfriend has big fake boobs, but gets offended when I tell her how much I like them. FML

Today, I went onto my computer and found a cyber sex conversation between my sister and my girlfriend. FML

Today, my wife and I both have blond hair and blue eyes, we just had a red headed son. FML

Today, my girlfriend left a message on my phone. It was just the sounds of her having sex with somebody. FML

Today, I crashed my car racing backwards and told my parents I was rear ended. They made me call the police and file a report. I hope there were no cameras. FML

Today, the incredibly handsome, talented, hilarious, and intelligent man that I've fallen head over heels like no other for is gay. FML

by Noname / 12/31/2008 at 1:03pm / Love

Today, I attended a speed dating evening. After 7 minutes, the girl told me she wasn't interested. I asked her at what point of the conversation she had made up her mind, she answered: "When you said 'Hello'. Goodbye". FML

by Aintnosunshine / 12/30/2008 at 10:48pm / Love

Today, my first (and only true) date ended with the girl saying "Thanks for dinner, I was hungry - and oh, by the way, I'm a lesbian". FML