FMLs submitted from France

Today, I got my stuff together before leaving to take the bus: cigarettes, newspaper, mobile phone and the trash. I took me at least 5 minutes in the bus to realize that I was travelling with the trash on my knees. FML

by titov / 01/10/2009 at 9:41am / Transportation

Today, I was so bored that I filmed my goldfish while it was eating. FML

by Crystal / 01/10/2009 at 3:21am / Animals

Today, I made some popcorn. Returning to the kitchen a couple of minutes later, I realized I was supposed to put a cover on the saucepan. FML

by csully / 01/10/2009 at 1:34am / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home from work. I crept up to the bedroom to gently wake up my girlfriend. I touch her shoulder and slowly leant in to give her a tender kiss. She suddenly wakes up and grabs me by the throat... I keep forgetting she's in the army. FML

by Cùchulainn / 01/09/2009 at 10:23pm / Love

Today, I was teaching a class but kids were chatting. After 3 soap box speeches about "The next person who talks gets a note to take home," one kid looked right at me and went "meow". FML

by Liz / 01/09/2009 at 3:54am / Kids

Today, like every month, the beautician spent 10 minutes removing the hairs from my stomach. I'm a girl. FML

by Noname / 01/09/2009 at 12:18am / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss told me that we are having a big meeting tomorrow, with lots of important people. Before leaving the room he added "Please, tomorrow, try to dress better." FML

by Nalya / 01/08/2009 at 10:38pm / Work

Today, I was talking to a charming young lady on MSN by webcam. She suddenly asked me to take my glasses off for a minute; I did so, and she said, "Oh never mind, you're still just as ugly..." FML

by neoteck / 01/08/2009 at 2:55am / Love

Today, I received a really nice red satin set of underwear, with a bra, a thong and a corset... From my grandfather. FML

by noname / 01/07/2009 at 6:43am / Miscellaneous

Today, it's been 2 weeks since I lost my virginity and I've already had sex with 3 guys. I think I'm a nympho. FML

by sexaddict / 01/07/2009 at 3:16am / Intimacy

Today, I went into a shop, not really completely awake. To get to the upper floor, I took the escalator... in the wrong direction. After about 30 seconds (which seemed like hours) trying to climb up the wrong way, my brain started working and by that time I already had a few amused spectators watching me. FML

by maaaryy / 01/07/2009 at 12:53am / Miscellaneous

Today, my wife and I went to a wedding. At one in the morning, when the cheese was being served, we were starting to fall asleep at the table, so we went to our car to take a short nap. When we woke up it was 5am, and the party was over. FML

by takeiteasy / 01/06/2009 at 10:58pm / Miscellaneous

Today, a very pretty girl came up to me and asked me for my phone number. Very pleased, I give it to her with a huge smile and tell her that I can be reached at any time. I then watch her go back to her group of friends. My number was for her gay friend, who then meekly waved at me. FML

by musamalia / 01/06/2009 at 6:58am / Love