FMLs submitted from France

Today, I was taking a nap on the couch when my 2 year old daughter decided that daddy needed an ear cleaning. With all the grace of toddler-hood, she stabbed me in the eardrum with a Q-tip. Now I can't hear her coming. FML

by bodhimae / 05/03/2009 at 3:15am / Kids

Today, the really hot guy that works in the same building as me came to work after being away for the past two days. I said "Look who finally decided to come to work." His response: "I had a death in the family, thanks." FML

by ... / 03/12/2009 at 2:57pm / Work

Today, I asked a co-worker out for a drink. She said yes, then my older brother who was visiting decided to come behind me and pull down my pants in front of the office. Then she said no. FML

by robotzzz / 02/20/2009 at 9:12am / Love

Today, it was good fun getting this nice vampire make-up at my drama lesson. It would have been better if I hadn't forgotten my demake-up. Even better if I could have avoided those crazy glances in the bus home. FML

by anaph0re / 02/01/2009 at 10:52am / Miscellaneous

Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his facebook messages and saw that he sent a message to one of his buddies asking what kind of lotion helps get rid of crabs. FML

by DDD / 01/31/2009 at 10:04am / Intimacy

Today, I had dinner on my own. My cat came and sat on the chair on the other side of the table. We stared at each other during the whole meal. Pathetic. FML

by JulleandCici / 01/31/2009 at 10:03am / Animals

Today, I got caught stealing lollies. I am 25. FML

by Timmy / 01/26/2009 at 8:28am / Miscellaneous

Today, I went shopping with my boyfriend. He tried on a pair of trousers which didn't fit, so he asked me to change them, so off I go. I then return with another pair for him to try on, and find him bent over and blurt out "What the hell's that terrible underwear?". The man turns around, revealing that I'd entered the wrong changing room. FML

by Harmonia / 01/26/2009 at 5:09am / Love

Today, a ball rolled up to me, so I picked it up and threw it over the school wall. A little boy who was behind me asked for his ball back. It's Sunday and the school is closed. FML

by / 01/25/2009 at 7:36am / Miscellaneous

Today, my 19 year old girlfriend dumped me because she thinks I'm immature. I'm 30. FML

by Benji / 01/22/2009 at 7:06am / Love

Today, I'm looking for a job, and the employer I spoke to by phone was busy, but before hanging up he said "we will call you soon". I still wonder how he plans to do so without even having asked for my number. FML

by maddy / 01/21/2009 at 12:03pm / Love

Today, a girl was coming on to me throughout an entire concert, giving me drinks. At the end of the evening, she gave me her MSN address so that we could do other things together. Thanks to all the drinks I'd had, I forgot her address. FML

by Trash / 01/21/2009 at 9:23am / Love

Today, I broke the glass of the photocopier trying to photocopy my ass. My boss will be here in five hours. She'll know it was me. I'm the only night guardian. FML

by Wititipwitpwit / 01/21/2009 at 5:03am / Work