FMLs submitted from France

Today, I was on an airplane back from California. I decided to check out my new $1500 MacBook that I bought the day before. My son decided to projectile vomit all over me, my new computer, and my bag. None of it got on him. FML

by New computer / 08/08/2009 at 1:27am / Transportation

Today, I discovered that my cheating, stealing ex boyfriend is posting pictures of naked women having group sex, with my face photoshopped onto them. He sent those to my boss, my friends, my family, only because I refused to bail his drunken self out of jail a couple weeks ago. FML

by Spadiethestar / 07/31/2009 at 4:36am / France (Haute-Normandie) / Intimacy

Today, I went to a funeral for my coworker's father. While there, my dad's cell phone rang and he left to answer it. I turned to my brother and said, "I can't believe he brought his cell phone!" He whispered, "I can't believe he's got coverage. This is a dead zone!" I laughed loudly. At a funeral. FML

by Anonymous / 07/26/2009 at 1:00pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I had my first date with this guy I really like, who came to pick me up. Once I got into his car, my uncle comes out of the house and yells "Remember, pregnant girls aren't allowed to drink." FML

by Prego my ego / 07/23/2009 at 1:39pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned when you're babysitting a 5 year old, and you hear the toilet flush and then the words "uh oh", it's already too late. FML

by Pooperscooper / 07/20/2009 at 2:45pm / Kids

Today, I got back to work from a 3 week vacation. My boss had asked me to get him something so when I returned I presented him with a shotglass with the British flag on it. I later found out that he is a recovering alcoholic. FML

by mrmatt008 / 07/17/2009 at 8:07am / France / Work

Today, my boss walked in my office to see me busy making a little Post-it dress for my pen. FML

by Anonymous / 07/09/2009 at 12:27pm / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the beach on the cote d'azur and the lifeguard told me that even though there were two jellyfish in the bay, it was safe to swim. Five minutes into swimming, I got stung twice. FML

by michellekel / 07/04/2009 at 8:10am / Health

Today, I had to take a leak, so I went into a porta-john. I noticed another man's hand under the door with a cell phone. Angered, I aimed my stream at his hand and phone. He tilted the porta-john over in response. It was full. FML

by S4L / 07/02/2009 at 12:13am / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally hooked up with the boy of my dreams at a party. Later, while on aim, I noticed one of his friends away messages was a quote from the guy's screen name, which said "I can't believe what I stick my d... In sometimes." FML

by Bulldogs09 / 07/01/2009 at 12:41am / Love

Today, I was shopping for rings with my fiancée. We spent over 2 hours selecting the perfect ring and diamond to match. When filling out the paperwork I discovered I left my wallet at home. She had to pay the 20% down payment for the ring. FML

by BrokeInLove / 06/30/2009 at 3:55pm / Love

Today, I got my hair done, eyebrows waxed, and a new expensive dress to impress my boyfriend. When I got home I asked him if he noticed anything different about me. He looked at me for one minute before asking, "Did you finally start using Proactive?" FML

by Acneface / 06/27/2009 at 8:55pm / Love

Today, my wife asked me to pop an ingrown hair near her crotch. We haven't had sex since last September. Popping her ingrown hair was the closest I've gotten to my wife's vagina in nearly nine months. FML

by GettingNone / 06/24/2009 at 11:05pm / Intimacy