FMLs submitted from France

Today, feeling festive, I sent everyone on my phone's contact list a holiday message. Almost everyone replied back "who's this?" FML

by mikeyamazing / 12/28/2009 at 12:00am / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally told my girlfriend I love her. She corrected my grammar. FML

by ITalkGood / 12/27/2009 at 7:37pm / Love

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has to pretend to have another boyfriend who is not me because her siblings and cousins do not accept me. FML

by theraarman / 12/21/2009 at 7:13am / Love

Today, I have to train people overseas to do my job. If I succeed in teaching them what they need to know, then they get my job and I get fired. If they don't perform well, then as the trainer I get blamed, and get fired. FML

by ritualdevice / 12/15/2009 at 3:30am / Work

Today, at work, I watched a man throw up in his hands, dump the contents on his plate, then eat the things it "didn't touch". I had to wash his plate. FML

by militarywife2b / 12/14/2009 at 3:23pm / Work

Today, my colleague rushed off to the hospital for the birth of his first son. Having met his wife at the Christmas party a couple of years ago, I called to congratulate her. Shame I didn't realize it was his mistress having the baby. Guess who broke the news to the wife. FML

by RBEE / 12/12/2009 at 1:02pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I misplaced my wallet. Fortunately, I knew exactly where it was. Unfortunately, I had just taken out the only form of picture ID that morning. I couldn't stop the finders from laughing as they saw my fake celebrity entertainment ID while I tried to convince them it was actually my wallet. FML

by starstruck / 11/20/2009 at 4:36am / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me so she could "let her life flow in the direction she wants." Apparently that includes smoking, stealing and making out with other girls at parties. The best part? She wants to get back together "after she matures and gets it out of her system." FML

by ApparentlyIFail / 11/20/2009 at 4:30am / Love

Today, in a big meeting, my secretary calls me saying that I have an important call waiting. I put the call through. It was my beautician, confirming my appointment to get rid of an ingrown hair. I hurriedly confirm and hang up to see everyone in the room giggling. The speaker phone was on. FML

by SpeakerPhone / 11/14/2009 at 12:31pm / France (Alsace) / Miscellaneous

Today, for my birthday, my friends and family gave me: A Wii Fit, a free year at the gym and a book of diet recipes. They didn't consult with each other. I've asked for "something corresponding to me". FML

by Timetoloseweight / 11/11/2009 at 11:03am / Health

Today, my dad called me for the first time in weeks. All he wanted to tell me was that Ashlee Simpson got fired from Melrose Place. Then he hung up. FML

by anonymous / 11/01/2009 at 8:37am / Love

Today, I bought fifteen bags of candy for the trick-or-treaters. I sat outside with a bowl of candy the whole night. Only one person came. FML

by trick or not treat / 10/31/2009 at 6:26pm / Miscellaneous

Today, after telling my best friend an idiot could make Kraft Dinner, I spilled boiling water all over my hands and forearms while attempting to strain the noodles. FML

by Lexi / 10/31/2009 at 4:15pm / Miscellaneous