FMLs submitted from France

Today, for my birthday, my friends and family gave me: A Wii Fit, a free year at the gym and a book of diet recipes. They didn't consult with each other. I've asked for "something corresponding to me". FML

by Timetoloseweight / 11/11/2009 at 11:03am / Health

Today, my dad called me for the first time in weeks. All he wanted to tell me was that Ashlee Simpson got fired from Melrose Place. Then he hung up. FML

by anonymous / 11/01/2009 at 8:37am / Love

Today, I bought fifteen bags of candy for the trick-or-treaters. I sat outside with a bowl of candy the whole night. Only one person came. FML

by trick or not treat / 10/31/2009 at 6:26pm / Miscellaneous

Today, after telling my best friend an idiot could make Kraft Dinner, I spilled boiling water all over my hands and forearms while attempting to strain the noodles. FML

by Lexi / 10/31/2009 at 4:15pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I ran into a car. I suffered a concussion and broke my nose. I wasn't driving. I walked right into it. It was parked. FML

by munchkin / 10/26/2009 at 2:35am / Miscellaneous

Today, my daughter threw a can of hairspray into the fireplace because she saw someone do it on YouTube. FML

by oh dear / 10/25/2009 at 5:06am / Kids

Today, I received a three-time forwarded message which I thought would turn out to be a random chain message. Turns out my boyfriend didn't want to send me the "break-up text" himself and figured it would get to me eventually after sending it to all my best friends. FML

by Kalaina / 10/25/2009 at 12:36am / Love

Today, I found out my mom is the nude model for an art class at my college. FML

by scarred / 10/22/2009 at 8:30am / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that I lie to my friends online and go "offline" for hours at a time so it appears that I have a life outside of the internet. FML

by Kimberly / 10/22/2009 at 8:26am / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in bed, thinking about my crush and playing with myself, when I remembered the complicated spreadsheet my boss asked me to make tomorrow. That got me more excited than the thought of my crush. FML

by anonymous / 10/21/2009 at 6:40pm / Intimacy

Today, in front of a bunch of people on my college campus, my mom grabbed my hand and lead me across the street. I'm 20. FML

by Watchyourstep / 10/20/2009 at 1:11pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I went on a date with an awesome guy. I got super hammered and punched him in the face. FML

by DrunkGirl / 10/19/2009 at 11:42am / Love

Today, I was texting my boyfriend, making plans to see him tomorrow. He ended the conversation by saying "I'm changing my sheets tomorrow, so take a shower." FML

by Shower? / 10/19/2009 at 3:26am / Intimacy