FMLs submitted from France

Today, I was in a hurry to catch a plane. I got half way to the airport and realized I forgot my phone. I drove back to the house and searched for it. I finally gave up and returned to the airport only to find that I was 10 minutes late for my plane. Just then my pocket vibrated. FML

by Allen / 01/05/2010 at 1:40am / France / Transportation

Today, it was the first time my boyfriend had seen me naked. He grabs my breasts and then begins to sing "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts." He is 22. FML

by ambermcnulty / 01/04/2010 at 9:27pm / Intimacy

Today, I was taking a dump at the Home Depot. After I was finished, I was bent over and pulling the toilet paper out of the holder. I pulled too hard, causing the dispenser lid to fling open and smack me on the back of the head. FML

by B-ran / 01/04/2010 at 7:29pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I was supposed to go to Disneyland with my family, but I woke up with explosive diarrhea. So while they are at the happiest place on Earth, I'm stuck on this toilet left to imagine that the splash from my crap is a splash from splash mountain. FML

by onthetoilet / 01/04/2010 at 5:20pm / Health

Today, I woke up with bruised nipples because apparently my boyfriend likes to excessively play with them while I sleep. FML

by sore / 01/04/2010 at 6:30am / Intimacy

Today, I backed into our new garage door. The same new garage door that we purchased because I broke our old one by backing into it. FML

by Lil_bit / 01/04/2010 at 12:05am / France / Transportation

Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. She decided that her "gift to herself" would be to leave the loser who has been holding her back for two years. Hello, my name is Ben, and I am that loser. FML

by birthday bash / 01/03/2010 at 9:38pm / Love

Today, I got l disconnect notices for both my water and my electric. After looking over my budget, I realized that I can only pay for one until next month. FML

by troubled / 01/02/2010 at 3:27pm / Money

Today, while at work I went to use the public restroom because I had a severe case of diarrhea. All went well until the timed sensor lights went off and I couldn't leave my stall to get them back on. I sat there for thirty minutes in pure darkness. FML

by Bathroom Problems / 01/02/2010 at 2:24pm / France / Work

Today, I was trying to be dirty with my fiancé. He got really into the roleplaying and wouldn't stop pretending to be a cop for hours. Mood officially killed. FML

by uhhggggg / 01/02/2010 at 12:16pm / Intimacy

Today, I emptied out a bottle of water onto my porch as I was going into my house. Only a couple of hours later, I decided to leave and slipped on what had turned into ice, bruised my tailbone and sprained my wrist. FML

by couturier / 01/02/2010 at 2:08am / Health

Today, I had to go to the hospital. While I was there, my mom started hitting on a doctor. Later I saw them making out in the room next to me. FML

by johnny121 / 01/01/2010 at 2:14pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad came home from work early only to walk in on me and the boy I'm not supposed to be seeing having sex. Did I mention doggie style? FML

by meeranda / 01/01/2010 at 12:07am / Intimacy