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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from France

Today, I finally hooked up with the boy of my dreams at a party. Later, while on aim, I noticed one of his friends away messages was a quote from the guy's screen name, which said "I can't believe what I stick my d... In sometimes." FML

#3383577
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41297) - you deserved it (11223)

On 07/01/2009 at 12:41am - love - by Bulldogs09 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was shopping for rings with my fiancée. We spent over 2 hours selecting the perfect ring and diamond to match. When filling out the paperwork I discovered I left my wallet at home. She had to pay the 20% down payment for the ring. FML

#3369756
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14212) - you deserved it (47002)

On 06/30/2009 at 3:55pm - love - by BrokeInLove - Sent from mobile version

Today, I got my hair done, eyebrows waxed, and a new expensive dress to impress my boyfriend. When I got home I asked him if he noticed anything different about me. He looked at me for one minute before asking, "Did you finally start using Proactive?" FML

#3285279
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41929) - you deserved it (5219)

On 06/27/2009 at 8:55pm - love - by Acneface - Sent from mobile version

Today, my wife asked me to pop an ingrown hair near her crotch. We haven't had sex since last September. Popping her ingrown hair was the closest I've gotten to my wife's vagina in nearly nine months. FML

#3190821
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67002) - you deserved it (5618)

On 06/24/2009 at 11:05pm - intimacy - by GettingNone - Sent from mobile version

Today, at work I got told off by my manager for texting while working. Enraged by this, I trash talked her to the new girl at work. The new girl, a.k.a. my manager's daughter. FML

#3137234
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8172) - you deserved it (60775)

On 06/23/2009 at 1:04am - work - by Don't text and work (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I gave a beautiful book of baby names to a friend of mine who's been trying to get pregnant for a while. She just burst into tears when she saw it. Just before meeting me, she'd found out she was sterile. FML

#2962771
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51112) - you deserved it (6438)

On 06/17/2009 at 8:27am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I took a test as part of a job requirement. I took a sip from a bottle of juice, and the lady leading the test gave me a warning. I tried to explain that if I didn't, I would faint. She took the bottle and hid it. 15 minutes later I collapsed. She thought I was faking. I'm hypoglycemic. FML

#2797056
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79634) - you deserved it (3602)

On 06/11/2009 at 8:59am - health - by Casey - Sent from mobile version

Today, I brought some cupcakes to my class for my birthday, like all the cool kids do. When it came time to sing happy birthday, the entire class said "happy birthday to" then forgot my name. Except my teacher. She said Steve. My name's Jeff. FML

#2150029
304 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69224) - you deserved it (6176)

On 05/21/2009 at 4:49pm - misc - by theman (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was taking a nap on the couch when my 2 year old daughter decided that daddy needed an ear cleaning. With all the grace of toddler-hood, she stabbed me in the eardrum with a Q-tip. Now I can't hear her coming. FML

#1584585
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16979) - you deserved it (1816)

On 05/03/2009 at 3:15am - kids - by bodhimae - Sent from mobile version

Today, the really hot guy that works in the same building as me came to work after being away for the past two days. I said "Look who finally decided to come to work." His response: "I had a death in the family, thanks." FML

#283908
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6023) - you deserved it (20927)

On 03/12/2009 at 2:57pm - work - by ... - Sent from mobile version

Today, I asked a co-worker out for a drink. She said yes, then my older brother who was visiting decided to come behind me and pull down my pants in front of the office. Then she said no. FML

#86812
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43403) - you deserved it (2807)

On 02/20/2009 at 9:12am - love - by robotzzz (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, it was good fun getting this nice vampire make-up at my drama lesson. It would have been better if I hadn't forgotten my demake-up. Even better if I could have avoided those crazy glances in the bus home. FML

#4648
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6100) - you deserved it (17359)

On 02/01/2009 at 10:52am - misc - by anaph0re - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his facebook messages and saw that he sent a message to one of his buddies asking what kind of lotion helps get rid of crabs. FML

#4051
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17845) - you deserved it (59740)

On 01/31/2009 at 10:04am - intimacy - by DDD - Sent from mobile version



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