FMLs submitted from France

Today, I saw what I thought was a gallon jug of water. Trying to do something spontaneous and fun, I took my hardest swing at it to see how far I could kick it. It was frozen solid. I broke my foot. FML

by tnt007 / 01/10/2010 at 4:46pm / France / Miscellaneous

Today, I spent an hour and a half trying to rid my house of smoke and burnt plastic smell because my little sister didn't know she was supposed to add water in the package of microwaveable mac and cheese. FML

by Justaddwater / 01/09/2010 at 12:45pm / France / Miscellaneous

Today, I was having passionate sex with my girlfiend of nine months. She's making a lot of noise so I tell her to keep it down and remind her my parents and sister downstairs. A few minutes later I get a text from my sister saying my parents want to make sure I'm wearing a condom. FML

by awskme / 01/08/2010 at 7:36pm / Intimacy

Today, I was babysitting a new child. I guess she heard me tell her parents about my severe peanut allergy because she got a jar out of the pantry, spread it all over the stairs leading to where her fort was, and walked around with a baseball bat covered in it so I couldn't come near her. FML

by PeanutlyDisabled / 01/08/2010 at 2:23am / France / Kids

Today, I was sparring with a guy in my Tae Kwon Do class. He had a hard-on the entire time we were sparring. FML

by snickerdoodles / 01/08/2010 at 1:30am / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that while I was on vacation my neighbor had let my brother into my apartment. I don't have a brother. FML

by Darkness162000 / 01/07/2010 at 7:21pm / France / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that the only time my girlfriend ever calls me is when she's drunk. FML

by drunkdial / 01/06/2010 at 12:53am / Love

Today, I was watching Free Willy with my boyfriend. It was at the part where the boy leaned into the water to give Willy a hug. I asked, "How do you even hug a whale?" My boyfriend rolled over and gave me a hug, and said, "Like this." FML

by leigh2812 / 01/05/2010 at 5:03pm / Love

Today, I was rejected for a job I really wanted, they said I didn't have enough experience. I designed the systems they are implementing. FML

by Me / 01/05/2010 at 2:16am / France / Work

Today, I was in a hurry to catch a plane. I got half way to the airport and realized I forgot my phone. I drove back to the house and searched for it. I finally gave up and returned to the airport only to find that I was 10 minutes late for my plane. Just then my pocket vibrated. FML

by Allen / 01/05/2010 at 1:40am / France / Transportation

Today, it was the first time my boyfriend had seen me naked. He grabs my breasts and then begins to sing "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts." He is 22. FML

by ambermcnulty / 01/04/2010 at 9:27pm / Intimacy

Today, I was taking a dump at the Home Depot. After I was finished, I was bent over and pulling the toilet paper out of the holder. I pulled too hard, causing the dispenser lid to fling open and smack me on the back of the head. FML

by B-ran / 01/04/2010 at 7:29pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I was supposed to go to Disneyland with my family, but I woke up with explosive diarrhea. So while they are at the happiest place on Earth, I'm stuck on this toilet left to imagine that the splash from my crap is a splash from splash mountain. FML

by onthetoilet / 01/04/2010 at 5:20pm / Health