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FMLs submitted from France

Today, I wasn't feeling too good, and took my temperature. I had a fever, which I told my boyfriend who was laughing hysterically when I told him. I asked him what was so funny, turns out he's been using the thermometer to take our dog's temperature sometimes. Rectally, of course. FML

#5332273
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37765) - you deserved it (5012)

On 09/18/2009 at 1:48pm - health - by anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was called by my son's school. They said he'd been forging my signature and comments in his reading book. He didn't forge them. I don't know what's worse: my handwriting looking like a 6 year old's, or being too cowardly to admit it. He has a week of lunch detention, but I still have my dignity. FML

#5291551
482 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9059) - you deserved it (103719)

On 09/16/2009 at 1:05pm - kids - by Mac - Sent from mobile version

Today, I thought it would be sexy to surprise my boyfriend by hiding in the closet naked and pouncing on him as he came to get his pants. I never got to the pouncing. Apparently my boyfriend has heightened reflexes so instead I got slapped hard across the face. My ear is still ringing. FML

#4995103
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14349) - you deserved it (42078)

On 09/02/2009 at 7:19am - intimacy - by keepsmiling - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, I threw a party while my parents were gone. I forgot that our alarm automatically turns on at 11 pm, so when people opened the door, it went off. I couldn't find the number for the alarm company, so the cops showed up. Everyone started cheering because they thought they were strippers. FML

#4646350
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11227) - you deserved it (49793)

On 08/19/2009 at 1:13am - misc - by Life of the party - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was on an airplane back from California. I decided to check out my new $1500 MacBook that I bought the day before. My son decided to projectile vomit all over me, my new computer, and my bag. None of it got on him. FML

#4377271
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37662) - you deserved it (5226)

On 08/08/2009 at 1:27am - misc - by New computer - Sent from mobile version

Today, I discovered that my cheating, stealing ex boyfriend is posting pictures of naked women having group sex, with my face photoshopped onto them. He sent those to my boss, my friends, my family, only because I refused to bail his drunken self out of jail a couple weeks ago. FML

#4176404
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66805) - you deserved it (6451)

On 07/31/2009 at 4:36am - intimacy - by Spadiethestar (woman) - France (Haute-Normandie)

Today, I went to a funeral for my coworker's father. While there, my dad's cell phone rang and he left to answer it. I turned to my brother and said, "I can't believe he brought his cell phone!" He whispered, "I can't believe he's got coverage. This is a dead zone!" I laughed loudly. At a funeral. FML

#4053619
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21887) - you deserved it (53471)

On 07/26/2009 at 1:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had my first date with this guy I really like, who came to pick me up. Once I got into his car, my uncle comes out of the house and yells "Remember, pregnant girls aren't allowed to drink." FML

#3978277
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42034) - you deserved it (7282)

On 07/23/2009 at 1:39pm - misc - by Prego my ego - Sent from mobile version

Today, I got back to work from a 3 week vacation. My boss had asked me to get him something so when I returned I presented him with a shotglass with the British flag on it. I later found out that he is a recovering alcoholic. FML

#3826927
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37264) - you deserved it (6704)

On 07/17/2009 at 8:07am - work - by mrmatt008 (man) - France

Today, my boss walked in my office to see me busy making a little Post-it dress for my pen. FML

#3610078
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11830) - you deserved it (51838)

On 07/09/2009 at 12:27pm - misc - by Anonymous - France (Midi-Pyrenees)

Today, I went to the beach on the cote d'azur and the lifeguard told me that even though there were two jellyfish in the bay, it was safe to swim. Five minutes into swimming, I got stung twice. FML

#3476155
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34888) - you deserved it (6248)

On 07/04/2009 at 8:10am - health - by michellekel (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had to take a leak, so I went into a porta-john. I noticed another man's hand under the door with a cell phone. Angered, I aimed my stream at his hand and phone. He tilted the porta-john over in response. It was full. FML

#3414555
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44658) - you deserved it (20804)

On 07/02/2009 at 12:13am - misc - by S4L - Sent from mobile version



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