FMLs submitted from France

Today, I talked to my ex on AIM after not speaking to her since we broke up two years ago. The conversation lead up to her asking how I feel about her. So I poured my heart and soul out to her, because I still love her. She immediately logged off. FML

by JCruz411 / 01/21/2010 at 8:10am / Love

Today, I went to buy some spray paint for a project. I've never used a spray can before, so I decided to try it on paper provided. Unfortunately I didn't hold the can the right way and ended up with black, permanent, paint all over my face in the middle of a store. FML

by muffincakess / 01/20/2010 at 7:55pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom asked me to clean beneath my brother's bed for money. I found a rotten apple, a picture of my best friend, and a dead bird. I got $10. FML

by Brotherssuckkk / 01/18/2010 at 3:04pm / Kids

Today, I hurried into the bank to cash in the $5,000 check my grandparents had given me for college money. I found out that instead of my name, they wrote 'our sweet iddle pumpkinbutt'. I couldn't make eye contact with anyone after. FML

by pumpkinbutt / 01/17/2010 at 4:08pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my uncle died. It was also my grandpa's 85th birthday. His reaction to the death? "Best birthday gift ever!" FML

by poppet2010 / 01/17/2010 at 10:58am / Miscellaneous

Today, my grandma told me to fuck off when I tried to help her with the dishes. FML

by volleyballgirl12 / 01/17/2010 at 1:31am / Love

Today, I was on my way to meet the girl I like at the beach. I parked my truck and walked to the restaurant where I was supposed to meet her. She wasn't there so I called her and she told me she cancelled because it started raining. There wasn't a cloud in the sky. FML

by Weathersucks / 01/17/2010 at 12:13am / France / Love

Today, I ordered a Diet Coke with my meal from a fast food restaurant. Turns out, they didn't give me diet. My blood sugar spiked and I was sick for hours later. I'm a diabetic. FML

by Hungryman / 01/15/2010 at 4:30pm / France / Miscellaneous

Today, I was chatting with my girlfriend and I asked her to give me her phone to make a call since mine was dead. A text came in from someone and the name sounded familiar. My bestfriend has been dating my girlfriend longer than I have, and she gave him head. I kissed her earlier that day. FML

by vadoodoo22 / 01/15/2010 at 12:02am / Intimacy

Today, I was doing a shit load of sit-ups on my mattress. After realizing the bed was squeaking, I heard my dad laughing very hard from the basement. He thought I was masturbating. FML

by nooneatall / 01/14/2010 at 10:16pm / Intimacy

Today, my sister won a bet. She bet my best friend a burrito that I wouldn't lose my virginity within a year. I am twenty and have to drive my friend to Del Taco so he can buy my sister her victory burrito cause I didn't get laid. FML

by Jaayoung23 / 01/14/2010 at 10:47am / Intimacy

Today, I saw my dad help himself to a sex stamina drink. He and mom share the hotel bed next to mine. FML

by windskurfer / 01/14/2010 at 9:54am / Intimacy

Today, I found out that my boyfriend was going to propose to me about three months ago. I was completely surprised and asked why he didn't. At that time, I had told him to stop looking at me like that and go buy me some damn tacos. I was 2 months pregnant then. Now he wants to wait a couple of years. FML

by cowgurl91 / 01/13/2010 at 4:40pm / Love