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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from France

Today, I learned that in my family, 'Father's Day' is more like 'Father's drunken, piss on a plant in the kitchen during breakfast, order you to scrub in between his toes with your toothbrush Day.' FML

#11329600
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27931) - you deserved it (2524)

On 06/20/2010 at 9:18am - misc - by Sam - Sent from mobile version

Today, my kids thought it would be funny to put pictures of naked men and women as people's ID on my phone. They won't tell me how to change it back. FML

#11305876
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16747) - you deserved it (20013)

On 06/19/2010 at 3:47am - kids - by Momma - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend was talking to me on the land line when his cell phone rang. He told me to wait "two seconds" while he talked to a classmate. Their "two second" conversation lasted ten minutes, and now I can hear the French Open on the TV in background. He forgot he was talking to me. FML

#10913904
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17298) - you deserved it (2896)

On 06/01/2010 at 10:34pm - misc - by chiclet - Sent from mobile version

Today, I wasn't feeling well, so I took my temperature with a thermometer from my sister's bathroom. I later found out that I actually used my sister's rectal thermometer. At least I don't have a fever. FML

#10842466
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20640) - you deserved it (6532)

On 05/29/2010 at 2:20pm - health - by asstomouth - Sent from mobile version

Today, it was the hottest day of the year so I opened my sun roof. The hottest day of the year was followed by the biggest storm of the year. I forgot to close my sun roof and my car is now flooded. FML

#10815057
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9239) - you deserved it (23795)

On 05/28/2010 at 2:20am - misc - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had a dream about toasting with champagne. Whilst asleep, I extended my hand to toast, then brought my hand to my mouth to "drink the bubbly." I knocked over the glass of water I keep on my bedside table. My iPhone is now ruined, and in shock of my wet arm, I jerked backward headbutting my wife's face. FML

#10756471
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19271) - you deserved it (5070)

On 05/25/2010 at 3:08pm - misc - by AdamFoundHisEve - Sent from mobile version

Today, my friend bet everyone at my lunch table that no one could catch the fly that was flying around our table. I reached up and caught it. It was a wasp, and it stung me. FML

#10752650
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10346) - you deserved it (23112)

On 05/25/2010 at 8:32am - health - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, my little sister tripped when trying to walk up the stairs with a sandwich in one hand and my laptop in the other. She choose to save her sandwich instead of my £500 laptop. FML

#10748228
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20256) - you deserved it (2307)

On 05/25/2010 at 12:44am - misc - by Laptop - Sent from mobile version

Today, I found out I have dandruff when a chick passed by and said out loud to her friends: "That dude's hair is having an early Xmas!" FML

#10733187
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17912) - you deserved it (4569)

On 05/24/2010 at 12:14pm - health - by Dandruff - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was texting my boyfriend during a 7 hour car ride with my family. I thought it'd be fine to text dirty with him. Little did I know, my audio corrector was on, and told me the right way to spell 'penis' and 'orgasm.' 5 hours left. FML

#10710216
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13673) - you deserved it (48393)

On 05/23/2010 at 10:39am - intimacy - by grounded - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was using Veet instead of shaving, so that the razor wouldn't cut up my legs. I cut myself with the plastic utensil that you're supposed to use to remove the Veet. FML

#10683891
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11299) - you deserved it (15319)

On 05/22/2010 at 3:03am - health - by knickedleg - Sent from mobile version

Today, the guy I'm seeing and I were having sex. While I was having my orgasm, he looked at me and said "SHHHH!". FML

#10643187
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28687) - you deserved it (5778)

On 05/20/2010 at 2:25am - intimacy - by evelynn - Sent from mobile version

Today, I discovered my boyfriend has a thing for pregnant women. I'm not pregnant though, my roommate is. FML

#10629274
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28804) - you deserved it (2378)

On 05/19/2010 at 4:19pm - love - by Amy - Sent from mobile version



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