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FMLs submitted from France

Today, while my boyfriend and I were fighting in the car, I paused to take a bite of my burrito. Just at that moment, he slammed on the brakes, causing me to deepthroat my burrito. I threw up all over myself. He won the argument. FML

#13648057
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28760) - you deserved it (7981)

On 10/30/2010 at 9:40am - love - by serendipity1027 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was out eating lunch with my parents when my mom complained that I eat too quickly and don't thoroughly chew my food. My dad exclaimed, "That's because she swallows!" FML

#13640932
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28899) - you deserved it (5263)

On 10/29/2010 at 7:15pm - intimacy - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, it was my first day as a mailman. One of the houses got a bunch of cards, and the owner coincidentally opened the door as I arrived. So I said to the owner that someone in the house must really be popular. He replied, "She died this Tuesday." FML

#13587554
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29172) - you deserved it (5906)

On 10/25/2010 at 7:03am - misc - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, my girlfriend came over to me, like she was going to kiss me, and instead rubbed her chin all over my face, exclaiming, "Can you feel my beard coming in?" Yes, yes I could. FML

#13570264
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36444) - you deserved it (3684)

On 10/24/2010 at 12:11am - love - by altocrm - Sent from mobile version

Today, I teach English in Taiwan. I got two new students, brothers named Harry and Potter. People, they're children, not pets. FML

#13541967
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29420) - you deserved it (4497)

On 10/21/2010 at 9:03pm - misc - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, I found out that I have a gluten allergy. What this basically means is that I can't eat anything with wheat in it; bread, pasta, cake, you name it. I am Italian, this basically limits me from eating any of the awesome food my family makes almost every night. Here I come plain rice. FML

#13531568
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32666) - you deserved it (2792)

On 10/20/2010 at 11:12pm - health - by allergic - Sent from mobile version

Today, at work, my boss made me spend a hour trying to catch a baby raccoon in the parking lot. I'm a bank teller. FML

#13525218
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24976) - you deserved it (2990)

On 10/20/2010 at 2:08pm - work - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boss told me that I'd confessed my love to him last night when he'd held my hair back as I puked. FML

#13510751
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9846) - you deserved it (30132)

On 10/19/2010 at 11:24am - work - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was woken by the news that my car had been found, but was completely destroyed due to a fire. I didn't even know my car was missing. FML

#13498140
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26539) - you deserved it (2511)

On 10/18/2010 at 11:52am - misc - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend called and told me he had cheated on me with a minor. She is claiming rape and going to put him in jail. He asked me to help him pay for his attorney. FML

#13496641
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39719) - you deserved it (3424)

On 10/18/2010 at 8:03am - love - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to see Jackass 3 in 3D. While the previews were playing, some guy sitting next to me leaned over and began telling me what happens in every scene, completely ruining the movie for me. He tried to get my number afterwards. FML

#13470194
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29207) - you deserved it (3872)

On 10/16/2010 at 9:14am - misc - by dcait_1196 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I discovered my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I've had in the last year. FML

#13466468
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39637) - you deserved it (3340)

On 10/16/2010 at 12:09am - intimacy - by Shooter71 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was called up about a job I'd recently applied for. I was overly excited to tell them I'd be there on Monday. Then I remembered I canceled my car insurance due to financial difficulties. I have no way of getting there. FML

#13446439
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19237) - you deserved it (7573)

On 10/14/2010 at 3:02pm - work - by Username - Sent from mobile version



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