FMLs submitted from Denmark

Today, I still didn't feel quite awake after the first lesson at school, so I went to get a cup of coffee from the vending machine. I had just enough money for it. No cup dropped into the holder, and the whole thing poured straight into the drip tray while I watched. FML

Today, my allergies flared up and I started sneezing. I guess my girlfriend was having a bad day, because she lost her shit and started telling me how annoying I am and how I can never do anything right. I'm not sure if we're still a couple, because she stormed out and won't answer my calls. FML

by Anonymous / 10/04/2014 at 11:17am / Denmark / Health

Today, I complained to the train company online. I filled in information and added several photos as evidence. I only realised later that the photos I attached were nudes. FML

by anona / 07/08/2014 at 12:29pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Intimacy

Today, I moved fifteen stacks of bricks from our store to a customer's van. After I made all that effort, he decided he didn't like the colour of the bricks after all, and demanded a full refund. FML

by starflares / 07/03/2014 at 3:49pm / Denmark (Centre) / Work

Today, my boyfriend complained all day about being bored, so wanting to cheer him up, I put on some sexy clothes and went to his house. I got on his bed in my underwear and called him over. He quickly decided he'd rather play Diablo for the next five hours instead. FML

by Justawoman / 06/04/2014 at 11:52am / Denmark (Midtjylland) / Intimacy

Today, the girl I've been dating for two weeks brought up the topic of marriage, then started asking me when we're moving in together. FML

by fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuc / 04/02/2014 at 5:22pm / Denmark (Midtjylland) / Love

Today, I was fired over the phone, losing my only source of income. When asked if I was okay, I explained that although I understood why, I was a little peeved they'd chosen my birthday to deliver the message. My - now former - boss then sang "Happy Birthday" to me in its entirety. FML

by pale-suzie / 03/19/2014 at 8:28am / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Work

Today, I left for work. Halfway to my car, my neighbour's son jumped out and emptied a bucket of water all over me. The little pissant screamed with laughter and ran back to his house. His mum's reaction was essentially "kids will be kids" and slamming the door on me. FML

by HeMayHaveSomeIssues / 02/28/2014 at 3:01pm / Denmark / Kids

Today, my dad and I got royally bitched out by my mother, because she found a bill for a porn site subscription, which was paid by my dad, but made out to my name. I had no idea about any of this, but she now thinks I'm a filthy porn addict and that my dad is an enabler. FML

by Anonymous / 01/14/2014 at 3:09pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked if she needed a hand. She called me a pervert and now won't speak to me. FML

by notsohandy / 01/03/2014 at 5:08pm / Denmark (Midtjylland) / Intimacy

Today, my grandma commented on my Facebook profile picture: "That's a great photo! It doesn't look anything like you!" FML

by oh / 12/06/2013 at 4:20pm / Denmark (Midtjylland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a panic attack when a huge spider ran over my hand. I screamed, wailed, and killed it with a shoe while shouting. Ten minutes later, police slammed on my door. My neighbor called them, saying it sounded like someone was being murdered. FML

by katchoo / 11/03/2013 at 2:34am / Denmark / Animals

Today, I went to the gym. I tried out a new machine where you do one-arm weightlifting. I took my time to get into a good position, then set the machine to the lowest weight possible. I couldn't even lift it an inch. A bunch of buff guys nearby saw me and burst out laughing. FML

by likeyourboss / 10/04/2013 at 12:05pm / Denmark / Health