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FMLs submitted from China

Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either. This one was about blowjobs. I had to sit politely as she explained it's something all women have to learn if they want a well-behaved husband, but that it's an "acquired taste". Gag me. FML

#20545240
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47784) - you deserved it (5774)

On 03/15/2013 at 8:05pm - intimacy - by butnotlikethat (woman) - China (Jiangxi)

Today, I went to my cousin's wedding. The groom walked over when the two of us were talking, took one good look at me, slapped me on the ass, and said, "You know, if I wasn't marrying Rose here, you'd be next." Yeah, about that: I'm a 16-year old guy. FML

#20485957
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39285) - you deserved it (4354)

On 01/30/2013 at 7:21am - love - by Denki (man) - China (Beijing)

Today, I found out that my wife and two teenage daughters' periods are all one week after the other. I am living in hell almost every single day. FML

#19786572
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37368) - you deserved it (4482)

On 06/14/2012 at 10:54am - misc - by anonymous - China (Jiangsu)

Today, I was walking up some stairs, and I told the guy in front of me to be careful, as the handrail was loose and well-worn. I then put my hand on it, and promptly fell backwards down the stairs with a piece of handrail still in my hand. FML

#19651744
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19728) - you deserved it (6141)

On 05/20/2012 at 1:11pm - misc - by taob (woman) - China (Guangxi)

Today, I congratulated a bride standing in front of a church in a white dress. Turns out she'd been stood up at the altar. She thrashed me with her bouquet. FML

#19482907
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28754) - you deserved it (3905)

On 04/17/2012 at 6:52am - misc - by Wrongword - China (Shanghai)

Today, I defended the dried up things in the cup noodles as being real vegetables, just so that it would appear that I do actually eat vegetables. FML

#19219205
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6793) - you deserved it (22496)

On 03/05/2012 at 4:42am - health - by Nope (woman) - China

Today, I had to stop my 26 year old fiancé from picking his nose and eating it like a little boy. Three times. FML

#19110438
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24650) - you deserved it (4739)

On 02/18/2012 at 9:08pm - misc - by mandy_2480 - China

Today, I realized that mixing alcohol with my medication causes me to lose my memory. I went to see my favorite band in concert last night and I can't remember a single song they played. FML

#18974554
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11291) - you deserved it (42849)

On 02/02/2012 at 3:10am - health - by Kreen - China

Today, my husband bleached his hair so, "our future kids will have blond hair too." I'm already married to this guy. FML

#18904697
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37585) - you deserved it (7481)

On 01/25/2012 at 1:23am - misc - by dragonmirado (woman) - China

Today, while riding back from a weekend away with my boyfriend, we crashed his motorbike, resulting in us getting thrown over a barbed wire fence into a forest. I woke up in hospital. Apparently, in his adrenaline rush, he climbed back on his bike and continued his trip, forgetting all about me. FML

#18868829
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39408) - you deserved it (3089)

On 01/21/2012 at 6:59am - misc - by superficialheart - China

Today, I left work early, and discovered I was locked out of my house. I subsequently had to use a spoon I found on the ground to smash the bathroom window. I cut my leg on the glass when I climbed through. While inspecting the wound, I felt a lump in my pocket. It was my house key. FML

#18648133
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10492) - you deserved it (41425)

On 12/29/2011 at 10:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - China

Today, I'm on holiday with my boyfriend. Going through Chinese customs, an officer pulled us aside, removed a suspicious metal object from my boyfriend's luggage and called six other officers to have a look. It was a kinky pair of handcuffs. FML

#18235563
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27902) - you deserved it (6138)

On 11/13/2011 at 7:46am - love - by notthatkinkyanyway - China (Beijing)

Today, whilst trying on a pair of jeans, I got my genitals caught in my fly. I'm a woman. FML

#18034396
286 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35318) - you deserved it (9638)

On 10/20/2011 at 9:24pm - health - by box bulge - China



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