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FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, I had to show up at an anti-drugs lecture with full-blown pink eye!! It's from an ongoing bacterial infection, but the speaker said he'd heard that excuse a hundred times before, and shamed me in front of everyone!! FML

#21289648
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31999) - you deserved it (2472)

On 11/01/2014 at 11:28am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I had mah first job interview!! The manager asks me to sell him his pen!! Thinking I'm all smart, I reenact the scene from the Wolf of Wall Street an say, 'Write down yur name'!! He calmly reache into his drawer, takes out another pen an write his name down!! He then looks at me an laughs!! FML

#21287428
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31467) - you deserved it (7814)

On 10/29/2014 at 12:55am - work - by shadysheikh - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I straind so hard while on the toilet that I gave myself a nosebled. FML

#21286665
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28806) - you deserved it (5044)

On 10/27/2014 at 11:00pm - health - by Discipl (man) - Canada (Ontario)

TODAY , I WATCHD MY CO-WORKER THROW THE MOTHER OF ALL TEMPER TANTRUMS. HE'S A RADIO PERSONALITY , AN JUST LEARND THAT HE'S FAMOU ENOUGH TO USE THE ( DON'T U KNOWHO I AM? ) LINE TO GET OUT OF A TRAFFIC TICKET. FML

#21286268
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29922) - you deserved it (2629)

On 10/27/2014 at 12:25pm - work - by Radio GaGa (man) - Canada

Today, my son asked fir my help with a personal matter. I was flattered that he trusted me, since he's a paranoid, untrusting psycho. Turned out he wanted to use my locksmith skills to break into his ex's house an "teach her a lesson" fir breaking up with him after he cheated on her. FML

#21285546
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34848) - you deserved it (4968)

On 10/26/2014 at 9:54am - kids - by Bob H. (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, ma younger broter looool elpfully pointd out tat I'm te only one in ma family of five wo is single. He's twelve.

#21283583
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34208) - you deserved it (3091)

On 10/23/2014 at 1:18am - love - by 20singleandproudish (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, after emptying the dishwasher, I noticd something in the back by the drain. It lookd lyk a turkey bone. Upon closer inspection, it was a mouse carcass. I have no idea how many loads of dishes have gone through with it in there. FML

#21283044
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33566) - you deserved it (3676)

On 10/22/2014 at 10:47am - animals - by MouserMan - Canada (Alberta)

Today my little sister decidd it would be funny to hide in the washroom closethile I was taking a piss . I wasn't pissing I was wanking . FML

#21281971
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37211) - you deserved it (11263)

On 10/20/2014 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by John (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I want on a frst data. Evarything was going wall until ha askd ma, "So, what's tha biggast thing you'va stuck up your vag?" FML

#21281604
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38314) - you deserved it (2777)

On 10/20/2014 at 5:28am - intimacy - by bye loser (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I Started Mah Job Selling Perfume In A Department Store. I Decided To Be Creative An Sprayed A Little Perfume Toward The First Personho Walked By. She Had An Allergic Reaction, An An Ambulance Had To Be Called. Big Fat FML

#21281002
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19481) - you deserved it (37691)

On 10/19/2014 at 10:24am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I got stitches in mah breast. I never knew how much they jiggled until every bump on the road made mah breast feel lyk it was on fire. FML

#21278689
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35374) - you deserved it (2476)

On 10/15/2014 at 10:33pm - health - by BoobiePain - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, mah boyfriend broke up with me because I cut mah hair short an he didn't want people to think he was gay. FML

#21275799
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34045) - you deserved it (6615)

On 10/11/2014 at 8:11pm - misc - by dykerino (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

2day I woke up to fine that my acne has lined itself beautifully in a perfect 'L' shape in the centre of my forehead. FML



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