FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, I have a job but can't be hired due to technical issues. This means that I'm technically not getting paid yet for the work I do. FML

Today, I knew my relationship was basically over when my boyfriend invited me over, and I was more excited about seeing his dog than seeing him. FML

by hannamacintosh / 06/28/2016 at 1:30pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, is the day I graduate. Today is the day I have explosive diarrhea and I haven't moved far from the toilet since I woke up this morning. FML

by lunarclips / 06/27/2016 at 10:08am / Canada (Manitoba) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a club with 6 girls thinking it would be awesome. As soon as we got there, they all said they wanted to go dance and asked if I could watch their purses. FML

by J-Sauce / 06/20/2016 at 10:54am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend took me to get the abortion that we both agreed on. He was being so supportive through the whole thing. When it was all over I thanked him for coming. He replied, "Well that's what got us here in the first place!" He's still mad he can't tell anyone his joke. FML

by thatgirl / 06/18/2016 at 5:19pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, my parents left on vacation for the week. Taking advantage of my freedom, I was planning on having my boyfriend over. My grandparents just showed up as they 'thought I would be lonely'. I can't get rid of them. Looks like I'm not having any fun this week. FML

by notsoaloneanymore / 06/17/2016 at 12:32am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my boss hired a new meat cutter because our old one stopped showing up for work. After he put the smock on, I told him what needed to be done. Without saying a word, he walks over to my boss, hands him his smock and says, "I quit." Guess I'm on my own. FML

by Nanda / 06/14/2016 at 2:03am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

Today, my boyfriend proposed. I was about to call my parents and tell them we're getting married, but they called me first to announce they're getting a divorce. FML

by Toloveornottolove / 06/12/2016 at 12:08pm / Canada / Love

Today, I was outside using a power sander. I forgot to put on mosquito repellent and a mosquito started biting me. My only somewhat-free hand was holding the power sander. FML

by ForSeriousReally / 06/11/2016 at 1:48pm / Canada (Alberta) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my sister found and read my journal. My first entry talked about how I shaved my ass for the first time. FML

by poorbeauty / 06/10/2016 at 6:32pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was rubbing my dog's belly. My wife came in and thought I was jerking him off. She wouldn't believe my explanation. FML

by Anonymous / 06/10/2016 at 10:28am / Canada (Quebec) / Animals

Today, after meeting my new girlfriend, my mom dyed and cut her hair the exact same way my girlfriend has hers. FML

Today, I came home to my wife packing a bag. We had been fighting recently and I understood why she was leaving, but then I noticed she wasn't packing her stuff. She explained that I was the one who was leaving, she was just packing my bag. FML

by Anonymous / 06/09/2016 at 7:37pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous