FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, I celebrated my friend's birthday. While everyone was completely wasted, a couple of friends suggested that I throw a pie in the birthday boy's face. Only seconds after doing so did I realize that the centre of the pie had still been burning hot, since he screamed in agony. FML

by UnluckyLatina / 04/21/2016 at 11:30pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, my roommates had a party while I stayed in my room, and that was fine by me. What was not fine was when a stranger broke into my room, asked to lay next to me, and then just went ahead and did it. FML

by sociallyanxiousroomie / 04/19/2016 at 6:22am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I ran up to my boyfriend to kiss him when he got home from work. I tripped and I fell on him, and he fell backwards. He ended up hitting his head on the sidewalk and had to get stitches. He also had a concussion. FML

by Clumsy Clumsy / 04/16/2016 at 12:27pm / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, I came to class, prepared with my notes for the debate we were having today. My teacher then told me that I would be representing the opposite side I chose, despite her saying we could choose our own sides. This happened minutes before the debate started, and my notes were useless. FML

Today, I found out that my husband has more topless pictures of his ex on his computer than he does of me. FML

by SureDoesMakeAGirlFeelGood / 04/12/2016 at 9:45pm / Canada (Newfoundland) / Intimacy

Today, I was taking a dump at work at a nursing home. While reaching for the toilet paper, I accidently pushed the emergency button. The nursing supervisors broke into the washroom to help. FML

by Crap / 04/12/2016 at 12:48pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I tried to relieve my back pain by lounging in a jacuzzi at my mother's house. All was going well until I accidentally knocked an opened container of bath salts into the tub, which got sucked into the jet system, shooting tiny, sharp, barely dissolved pieces of salt into my back. FML

by Anonymous / 04/11/2016 at 3:25am / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, I found out that my best friend's psycho ex-girlfriend has been stalking me on social media for the past few months, when she contacted me asking why I was holding hands with him in a picture from over two years ago. FML

by Anonymous / 04/10/2016 at 8:18pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my boss praised me for always ranking first at work and how she hopes I keep it up for a long time. I then had to awkwardly hand her my letter of resignation. FML

by KaylaRox1908 / 04/10/2016 at 4:12pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, $1,000 were stolen from a deposit box to which only I and a coworker have access. I was so nervous during my interrogation that the cop said he had no doubt I was the one who stole the money. I had nothing to do with it. FML

Today, after working for 12 hours in the cold rain on muddy terrain, my coordinator drove down a hill and didn't come back. I was stuck in the middle of nowhere, forced to walk two hours uphill back to HQ to find him there. FML

by my first job / 04/06/2016 at 4:02pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, it's day 9 of my honeymoon. It's also day 8 of my period and day 7 of food poisoning. FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2016 at 3:47pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Holidays

Today, my date took me to visit his farm. As we were walking, a wild rabbit darted past me and startled me. I tripped and fell face first into cow dung. FML

by Anonymous / 04/01/2016 at 2:30pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous