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FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, I started going on and on about dogs and their different types of breed, behaviours, expectancy, etc. When someone asked me how I know all this stuff, I meant to say, "I fucking love animals", I didn't think it through and said, "I love fucking animals". FML

#21131182
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45803) - you deserved it (16475)

On 05/05/2014 at 3:53am - intimacy - by Zekrome - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I read that egg whites make a good hair treatment. Everything was going fine until, without thinking, I turned the hot water on to wash it out. I'm still picking the cooked egg out of my hair. FML

#21129302
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23764) - you deserved it (31294)

On 05/03/2014 at 12:57am - misc - by EggHead - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I decided to face one of my fears. I've never had a birthday party, out of fear that nobody would come. I sent out a mass text inviting people out for my birthday, trying to sound casual. The only replies I received were along the lines of "Who the hell's this?" FML

#21127076
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38587) - you deserved it (4193)

On 04/30/2014 at 10:52am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, an old guy phoned the cops on my daughter because she was drawing with chalk on the sidewalk. Apparently, he thinks it's vandalism. FML

#21125786
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42406) - you deserved it (3020)

On 04/28/2014 at 10:39pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I finally worked up the guts to add the guy I like on Facebook. To make it less obvious, I added 15 other people as well. Everyone added me back, except him. FML

#21125472
119 comments

Today, I bought my niece a plush My Little Pony figure for her birthday. Only after she unwrapped it did I realize that it was meant to be a sex toy for grown men. FML

#21123212
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38918) - you deserved it (15978)

On 04/26/2014 at 1:57am - kids - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I finally decided to do something productive and clean my room. When I went to pick up the first thing off my floor I hit my head on my desk and gave myself a concussion. FML

#21123165
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34435) - you deserved it (6257)

On 04/26/2014 at 12:22am - misc - by vee2013 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my landlord started showing my apartment, where I have lived and paid rent for over 2 years, to prospective tenants. I didn't realize that I was moving. FML

#21120676
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40846) - you deserved it (2722)

On 04/23/2014 at 8:43am - misc - by Almost_Homeless - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at the sandwich shop I work in. A customer came in and requested an assorted sub. As I finished putting on the sauces, I looked up to see the customer's face set in horror. Apparently I didn't notice that I licked my fingers clean after getting some mayonnaise on them. FML

Today, my biology professor was giving a lecture to everyone and used me as an example. For what? Traits men are repulsed by in potential mates. FML

#21119838
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36740) - you deserved it (2884)

On 04/22/2014 at 11:26am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, my drug addict of a roommate convinced herself my red kitten was Pennywise the clown in disguise waiting to kill her, and hit him over the head with a pan. FML

Today, I went to get an ultrasound done. I texted my ex, who's the father, and told him how adorable its little feet are, and asked him why he didn't come. I got a reply with two words: "DNA test". FML

#21118642
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36097) - you deserved it (9579)

On 04/21/2014 at 12:03am - kids - by kelly.duggan (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my son said his first complete sentence: "Mommy likes shit." Not only will he not stop saying it, I have no idea who taught him to say it in the first place. FML

#21116585
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37928) - you deserved it (3856)

On 04/18/2014 at 6:35pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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