Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, my boyfriend kept jiggling my fat rolls while we were cuddling. I was annoyed, and I told him he could at least go for my boobs instead. He instantly replied, "But these are bigger..." FML

#21293369
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35002) - you deserved it (7626)

On 11/06/2014 at 12:14pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out it is possible to get whiplash and a concussion from a tickle fight you have with your boyfriend. FML

#21292929
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27057) - you deserved it (3543)

On 11/05/2014 at 7:48pm - health - by cjhgvb - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I looked at my twelve-year-old daughter's test. One of the question was, "When is a good time to worry about your parents?" Her answer was, "When they take selfies, because selfies aren't made for old people." FML

#21292082
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30100) - you deserved it (5591)

On 11/04/2014 at 4:48pm - kids - by The Selfie Parent - Canada (Newfoundland)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML

#21291810
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43814) - you deserved it (6568)

On 11/04/2014 at 7:03am - intimacy - by anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, realized I need a new job. This happened when I was seriously considering ways to break my leg so I could stay at home for a day and not have to deal with my boss. FML

#21291344
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29124) - you deserved it (2951)

On 11/03/2014 at 4:16pm - work - by I don't want to be here anymore - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had to show up at an anti-drugs lecture with full-blown pink eye. It's from an ongoing bacterial infection, but the speaker said he'd heard that excuse a hundred times before, and shamed me in front of everyone. FML

#21289648
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31959) - you deserved it (2471)

On 11/01/2014 at 11:28am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I had my first job interview. The manager asks me to sell him his pen. Thinking I'm all smart, I reenact the scene from the Wolf of Wall Street and say, 'Write down your name'. He calmly reaches into his drawer, takes out another pen and writes his name down. He then looks at me and laughs. FML

#21287428
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31421) - you deserved it (7807)

On 10/29/2014 at 12:55am - work - by shadysheikh - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I strained so hard while on the toilet that I gave myself a nosebleed. FML

#21286665
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28746) - you deserved it (5035)

On 10/27/2014 at 11:00pm - health - by Discipl (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I watched my co-worker throw the mother of all temper tantrums. He's a radio personality, and just learned that he's not famous enough to use the "Don't you know who I am?" line to get out of a traffic ticket. FML

#21286268
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29870) - you deserved it (2626)

On 10/27/2014 at 12:25pm - work - by Radio GaGa (man) - Canada

Today, my son asked for my help with a personal matter. I was flattered that he trusted me, since he's a paranoid, untrusting psycho. Turned out he wanted to use my locksmith skills to break into his ex's house and "teach her a lesson" for breaking up with him after he cheated on her. FML

#21285546
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33350) - you deserved it (4533)

On 10/26/2014 at 9:54am - kids - by Bob H. (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my younger brother helpfully pointed out that I'm the only one in my family of five who is single. He's twelve. FML

#21283583
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34139) - you deserved it (3088)

On 10/23/2014 at 1:18am - love - by 20singleandproudish (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, after emptying the dishwasher, I noticed something in the back by the drain. It looked like a turkey bone. Upon closer inspection, it was a mouse carcass. I have no idea how many loads of dishes have gone through with it in there. FML

#21283044
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33509) - you deserved it (3669)

On 10/22/2014 at 10:47am - animals - by MouserMan - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my little sister decided it would be funny to hide in the washroom closet while I was taking a piss. I wasn't pissing, I was wanking. FML

#21281971
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36975) - you deserved it (11198)

On 10/20/2014 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by John (man) - Canada (Ontario)



Idan Schneider's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Idan Schneider's illustrated FML
  • Oi! Stop "playing" that digeridoo and get out! There, now that I've tidied up my apartment, we can begin. How are you all doing? Have you got your leather jacket out of storage to go hang out down at…

Thursday 22 January 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: