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FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, my son asked for my help with a personal matter. I was flattered that he trusted me, since he's a paranoid, untrusting psycho. Turned out he wanted to use my locksmith skills to break into his ex's house and "teach her a lesson" for breaking up with him after he cheated on her. FML

#21285546
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33282) - you deserved it (4525)

On 10/26/2014 at 9:54am - kids - by Bob H. (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my younger brother helpfully pointed out that I'm the only one in my family of five who is single. He's twelve. FML

#21283583
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34081) - you deserved it (3084)

On 10/23/2014 at 1:18am - love - by 20singleandproudish (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, after emptying the dishwasher, I noticed something in the back by the drain. It looked like a turkey bone. Upon closer inspection, it was a mouse carcass. I have no idea how many loads of dishes have gone through with it in there. FML

#21283044
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33472) - you deserved it (3665)

On 10/22/2014 at 10:47am - animals - by MouserMan - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my little sister decided it would be funny to hide in the washroom closet while I was taking a piss. I wasn't pissing, I was wanking. FML

#21281971
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36567) - you deserved it (11078)

On 10/20/2014 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by John (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went on a first date. Everything was going well until he asked me, "So, what's the biggest thing you've stuck up your vag?" FML

#21281604
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37500) - you deserved it (2751)

On 10/20/2014 at 5:28am - intimacy - by bye loser (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I started my job selling perfume in a department store. I decided to be creative and sprayed a little perfume towards the first person who walked by. She had an allergic reaction, and an ambulance had to be called. FML

#21281002
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19449) - you deserved it (37581)

On 10/19/2014 at 10:24am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I got stitches in my breast. I never knew how much they jiggled until every bump on the road made my breast feel like it was on fire. FML

#21278689
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35303) - you deserved it (2467)

On 10/15/2014 at 10:33pm - health - by BoobiePain - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I cut my hair short and he didn't want people to think he was gay. FML

#21275799
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33976) - you deserved it (6609)

On 10/11/2014 at 8:11pm - misc - by dykerino (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I woke up to find that my acne has lined itself beautifully in a perfect 'L' shape in the centre of my forehead. FML

Today, as a limo driver, I had to drive 8 guys for a night-out from their wives. I put the Michigan/Rutgers game on the radio, thinking they would appreciate that. Apparently, they wanted to listen to their "pump-up" songs instead, which were mostly Katy Perry songs. FML

#21271972
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36744) - you deserved it (4694)

On 10/06/2014 at 11:05am - work - by theseguysarewhipped... - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have a quickie in the car. We had left a window open so it wasn't too hot, and I was holding onto the edge of the window, fingers hanging over. In the midst of it all, my boyfriend managed to close the window by hitting the button. My finger is broken. FML

#21270463
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35216) - you deserved it (10486)

On 10/04/2014 at 1:43am - intimacy - by manymisfortunes - Canada (Quebec)

Today, a customer was looking for some decking materials. I took her around the store and pointed out some nice plywood, noting that it's also fire-retardant, which might interest her. She got pissed off and bitched me out for supposedly calling her a retard. FML

#21270214
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31539) - you deserved it (2624)

On 10/03/2014 at 5:13pm - work - by hopeless (man) - Canada

Today, my little sister had her second son. She is 31 and she named her sons after her favorite television characters, Sam and Dean Winchester. She has made it her life goal to make sure her husband never finds out. FML

#21269654
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30112) - you deserved it (3822)

On 10/02/2014 at 4:29pm - kids - by mykodu - Canada (Ontario)



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