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FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, I'm warning you: never spoon naked with your girlfriend after eating taco bell. The shartpocalypse just might begin in her ass and end on your stomach. FML

#21420039
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29464) - you deserved it (3954)

On 06/03/2015 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, it's been so long since I had sex that even in my sex dreams I'm watching porn alone. FML

Today, I had to explain to my little sister that not all guitars are supposed to have a hole in them, that when I was talking about "breaking it in" I didn't mean I'd smash a hole in it, and that she shouldn't have taken a hammer to my expensive new guitar. FML

#21417642
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26470) - you deserved it (2415)

On 05/29/2015 at 3:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend threatened to break up with me because I crossed the street without holding her hand. FML

#21417560
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28946) - you deserved it (3699)

On 05/29/2015 at 11:05am - love - by GlueAndCarrots - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was on the train going to work when my travel tea cup began spilling inside my purse, which was on my lap. It went all over my skirt, pooled at the bottom of my feet, and, yes, everyone notice that it happened to be piss-colored yellow. FML

#21417508
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25375) - you deserved it (3975)

On 05/29/2015 at 8:13am - misc - by Great (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up in my living room after having a party. I then realized my fish tank with many different species was missing from its usual spot. After searching for a few minutes, I finally found it in the freezer. FML

#21415477
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27140) - you deserved it (7415)

On 05/25/2015 at 12:10pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while serving a customer, she told me: "God made you a working class citizen so you could serve! If God wanted you to go to college, he would have made sure you were able to go!" FML

Today, my cat has decided she can't eat unless I'm right there with her, so when she gets hungry she finds me and howls until I follow her to her food dish. She likes to eat pretty frequently, and I'm already getting a headache. FML

Today, my father passed away. I called my boss to let him know about the situation. His only response before hanging up: "Shit, dude. Well, I'll see you in the morning, these reports won't write themselves." FML

#21414400
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31378) - you deserved it (1674)

On 05/23/2015 at 10:50am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my friends made a little game out of my OCD. They like to purposely poke one of my arms so I immediately poke the other one. They think it's hilarious and now do it constantly. FML

#21414073
89 comments

Today, I woke up to "we're leaving". I'm now homeless because my Dad and his girlfriend got into an argument over toilet paper. FML

#21411475
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28643) - you deserved it (1944)

On 05/17/2015 at 1:47pm - love - by hobo - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I had the most excitement I have felt in the last two months when I went to a drugstore and they had my favourite bandaids. FML

#21410948
69 comments

Today, my overly-clean mum decided to drop by and surprise me by cleaning my house while I was out jogging. She used half a bottle of bleach, and now it hurts to blink, let alone breathe. FML

#21410694
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27728) - you deserved it (2654)

On 05/15/2015 at 8:51pm - misc - by pasha - Canada (Ontario)



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