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FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, I found out that while having a GPS tracker in your car is helpful for tracking down car thieves, it's also helpful to your psycho ex, who can use it to track you down. FML

#20846264
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39041) - you deserved it (3181)

On 08/20/2013 at 12:28pm - misc - by nobieb (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while working as a swim instructor, I started singing the hokey pokey to get all the kids used to putting their faces in the water. One of the kids was covering his ears. When I asked him why, he said "because you were singing." He's 3. FML

#20842523
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38698) - you deserved it (5978)

On 08/18/2013 at 12:35am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while getting ready to welcome my first child into the world, my father in law decided to "help out" and threw out a bunch of papers I needed. Like my child's application for a health card, social insurance number, and my birth plan, as well as instructions from my doctor. FML

#20840198
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45671) - you deserved it (3263)

On 08/16/2013 at 11:21am - misc - by momma - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mom came into my room to give me a goodbye kiss. Due to the routine of my girlfriend doing the exact same thing in the exact same spot, I held the kiss way longer than what a mother/son kiss should last. My mom actually had to tell me to "let go". FML

#20839296
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34366) - you deserved it (26775)

On 08/15/2013 at 9:06pm - misc - by deadman (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while discussing career prospects with my mom, she suggested that I become a penis puppeteer, because "Let's face it, you play with it 24/7. Why not make a career out of it?" Yeah, thanks. FML

#20838688
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35611) - you deserved it (11851)

On 08/15/2013 at 12:49pm - work - by kaynotentirelywrong (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I went to a store. I was wearing a shirt that I'd bought from the very same store, and was accused of stealing. When I tried explaining, the manager said I was lying because I'm a teenager and "all teenagers are full of shit." FML

Today, my 16-year-old brother managed to convince my 22-year-old boyfriend that I breastfeed my pet parrot. FML

#20835369
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48414) - you deserved it (4909)

On 08/13/2013 at 12:51pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mom got a cat. I'm allergic to cats, so I politely asked my mom why she got it. Her response: "I want you to finally want to move out." I turned eighteen two weeks ago. FML

#20835283
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45329) - you deserved it (4549)

On 08/13/2013 at 11:36am - work - by skaterboy - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my house was broken into. After we called the police, my dad started calling himself Sherlock Holmes and talking in a British accent. He insists on calling me Watson. He is going around the neighborhood acting like Sherlock, investigating stuff. He won't stop. FML

Today, I had a dream in which I was being mugged. I started fighting the muggers off, while in reality, my fist smacked my wife in the face. Now she has a black eye, nobody believes my story, and they think I'm a wife beater. FML

#20832277
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49821) - you deserved it (5433)

On 08/11/2013 at 2:11pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I let my son take my car out for a spin, since he just got his licence. He didn't make it out of our street before totaling it. FML

#20828881
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41426) - you deserved it (13715)

On 08/09/2013 at 10:22am - money - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went to my boss's dinner party. My sister, who also works with me, sat across from me at the table. I felt her kick me so I kicked her back. Then I heard something start crying. It was the boss's baby crawling under the table. FML

#20823157
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54016) - you deserved it (18145)

On 08/06/2013 at 1:07am - work - by offuckingcourse - Canada (Ontario)

Today, some aggressive asshole was tailgating me on my way home, bumping into me twice. I got scared and kicked my car into high gear and got out of there. Seconds later, a traffic cop came out of nowhere and pulled me over for speeding. FML

#20820283
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41683) - you deserved it (8044)

On 08/04/2013 at 12:53pm - misc - by no, don't save me or nothing (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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