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FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, my grandpa moved into the apartment next door. The walls are wafer-thin. Goodbye sex life. FML

#20613352
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43617) - you deserved it (4708)

On 04/22/2013 at 3:52pm - intimacy - by LesbianHonest (woman) - Canada

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I put up one of those hanging fly catchers in my room due to the unsettling amount of flies in the house. I remarked how stupid flies were to land on them. Within an hour, I got up and walked straight into it. FML

#20609406
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20121) - you deserved it (38113)

On 04/21/2013 at 2:20am - misc - by Human fly - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I posted a video of a dance I choreographed on Facebook. I got a notification a few hours later telling me that my grandpa had also shared it. His caption? "My granddaughter dances like a gay baboon and this dance sucks balls. Throw grapes at her." Thanks grandpa. FML

#20604301
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42323) - you deserved it (8122)

On 04/19/2013 at 3:27am - misc - by thanks gramps - Canada (Yukon Territory)

Today, my boyfriend and I attempted sexting for the first time. After about twenty minutes of Star Wars references, I gave up. FML

#20604154
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37307) - you deserved it (7304)

On 04/19/2013 at 1:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I admitted to my parents that I'm a pathological liar and I would like to go get help. They didn't believe me, and told me stop making stuff up. FML

#20598380
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35864) - you deserved it (5690)

On 04/17/2013 at 12:07am - misc - by Aaronator25 - Canada (Ontario)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my virginal girlfriend of a year graduated from veterinary school. She can shove her arm shoulder-deep up a cow's ass without blinking, but still feels too insecure to even touch my penis. FML

#20596452
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54528) - you deserved it (14226)

On 04/16/2013 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by Gurior - Canada

Today, when I was talking to my younger brother, he suddenly said "Oh, I was supposed to tell you that there's this girl who has a huge crush on you!" I asked who and he answered, "I totally forgot her name, that was like 2 months ago." FML

#20589493
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42156) - you deserved it (3116)

On 04/14/2013 at 3:28am - love - by MissedTheBoat (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I got the chance to speak to some of the top academics in my field. I was so hungover that I couldn't remember the title of the Masters degree I've spent two years studying for, let alone make intelligent comments. I'm pretty sure the only thing I got right was my name. FML

#20588088
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10923) - you deserved it (52333)

On 04/13/2013 at 1:26pm - misc - by could be an fml commenter - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was screamed at and told that I was denying someone's "second amendment" by not letting him through with a gun. I work at the border; he was trying to enter Canada. This is not the first time, and it probably won't be the last. FML

#20586134
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35158) - you deserved it (2569)

On 04/12/2013 at 6:23am - work - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I realized that my Twitter profile was very public when my business professor made fun of student tweets in class. My tweet went, "Totally bullshitting this business report" about the report I had just handed in, worth a large portion of my grade. FML

#20584642
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11006) - you deserved it (40177)

On 04/11/2013 at 3:49am - work - by imscrewed - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my social teacher thought it would be a great idea to have a casual debate about Margaret Thatcher and her legacy. Within 10 minutes, the entire class was yelling, screaming, throwing stuff at each other. I got hit in the face with a binder. FML

#20584117
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31892) - you deserved it (2593)

On 04/10/2013 at 8:40pm - misc - by great idea - Canada (Alberta)

Today, it's my 17th birthday, and the first birthday since my mother died, leaving me to live with my previously-absent father. He gave me pretzels and a laser pointer, and said, "Happy birthday, fuckstick". One more year. FML

#20581667
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57618) - you deserved it (1857)

On 04/09/2013 at 12:59am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, the power was out. I tried to explain to my boyfriend that he wouldn't be able to watch any TV until the power came back on. His response was, "But we have Netflix." FML

#20580991
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32354) - you deserved it (4366)

On 04/08/2013 at 5:51pm - misc - by Zxz - Canada



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