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FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, I now accept how stupid I was to marry a man whose plans for the future all start with "When I win the lottery..." FML

#21512844
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18831) - you deserved it (8756)

On 01/08/2016 at 12:38pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was chilling in my comfy zip-up sweatshirt when I realized I was running late for an acting class. In my mad panic, I forgot I didn't have a shirt or bra underneath. Later in class, I was performing a scene and started to unzip my sweatshirt. You can figure out the rest. FML

#21512660
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19480) - you deserved it (5022)

On 01/07/2016 at 9:08pm - misc - by AccidentalFlasher (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after waiting in front of a washroom stall for 20 minutes to take a dump, I finally realized that the "person" in the stall was just a pair of shoes. FML

#21512486
59 comments

Today, a 65-ish year-old man told me that he's married and not supposed to look at other women, but that I tempt him. All while sitting next to his wife, who then told me I was going to hell. FML

#21511989
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22622) - you deserved it (1511)

On 01/05/2016 at 11:56pm - work - by Nicky_ham (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I went for bloodwork. It's routine for me, so I was ready for the nurse to put in the needle and take my blood. It went in fine, but right after, she slowly pulled the needle out, then wondered why the blood stopped. She then moved it back and forth in my arm while I panicked silently. FML

#21511628
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20682) - you deserved it (1382)

On 01/05/2016 at 12:17am - health - by bloodless - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I sneezed incredibly hard while eating a granola bar. 5 hours later, it's still hellishly painful to swallow. Please kill me. FML

#21510414
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19620) - you deserved it (1689)

On 01/01/2016 at 10:46pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML

#21509335
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23270) - you deserved it (4809)

On 12/30/2015 at 10:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was babysitting. As I went to leave the bathroom, someone grabbed the knob and pulled the door shut. I figured it was one of the kids and told them to knock it off. A second later, the grip let off. There was no one there and the kids were still asleep. I don't know what to think. FML

#21508063
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23945) - you deserved it (1643)

On 12/26/2015 at 11:54am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after 3 years of hard work, very little vacation and no raises, our boss got us a crappy box of drug store cookies as an employee appreciation gift. Which he ended up eating. FML

#21506500
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20113) - you deserved it (1414)

On 12/22/2015 at 7:30am - work - by itsthebestdayoftheyear - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to meet a guy that i had already started to be involved with at a bar. We laughed, kissed and had a great time, until he admitted he was just doing all of this to make his ex-girlfriend jealous. Guess who was waiting for me outside. FML

#21506427
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22107) - you deserved it (1836)

On 12/22/2015 at 12:50am - love - by ThankYou! - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I bought a PS4 online for my boyfriend's birthday. I put it on our joint credit card through Paypal to keep it a surprise. The company decided to ruin that surprise when they called him to confirm the transaction. FML

Today, my doctor told me I needed to eat more salt to keep my blood pressure from dropping dangerously low. He only shrugged when I pointed out that he had previously told me to eat a low-salt diet to control my vertigo. FML

Today, I was sucking on a candy and I began choking. A coworker rushed over to give me the Heimlich maneuver. That freed the candy from my throat, and also the shit from my bowels. FML



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