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FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, I had to show up at an anti-drugs lecture with full-blown pink eye. It's from an ongoing bacterial infection, but the speaker said he'd heard that excuse a hundred times before, and shamed me in front of everyone. FML

#21289648
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31826) - you deserved it (2466)

On 11/01/2014 at 11:28am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I had my first job interview. The manager asks me to sell him his pen. Thinking I'm all smart, I reenact the scene from the Wolf of Wall Street and say, 'Write down your name'. He calmly reaches into his drawer, takes out another pen and writes his name down. He then looks at me and laughs. FML

#21287428
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31352) - you deserved it (7787)

On 10/29/2014 at 12:55am - work - by shadysheikh - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I strained so hard while on the toilet that I gave myself a nosebleed. FML

#21286665
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28664) - you deserved it (5026)

On 10/27/2014 at 11:00pm - health - by Discipl (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I watched my co-worker throw the mother of all temper tantrums. He's a radio personality, and just learned that he's not famous enough to use the "Don't you know who I am?" line to get out of a traffic ticket. FML

#21286268
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29807) - you deserved it (2625)

On 10/27/2014 at 12:25pm - work - by Radio GaGa (man) - Canada

Today, my son asked for my help with a personal matter. I was flattered that he trusted me, since he's a paranoid, untrusting psycho. Turned out he wanted to use my locksmith skills to break into his ex's house and "teach her a lesson" for breaking up with him after he cheated on her. FML

#21285546
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33203) - you deserved it (4518)

On 10/26/2014 at 9:54am - kids - by Bob H. (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my younger brother helpfully pointed out that I'm the only one in my family of five who is single. He's twelve. FML

#21283583
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33990) - you deserved it (3080)

On 10/23/2014 at 1:18am - love - by 20singleandproudish (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, after emptying the dishwasher, I noticed something in the back by the drain. It looked like a turkey bone. Upon closer inspection, it was a mouse carcass. I have no idea how many loads of dishes have gone through with it in there. FML

#21283044
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33441) - you deserved it (3663)

On 10/22/2014 at 10:47am - animals - by MouserMan - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my little sister decided it would be funny to hide in the washroom closet while I was taking a piss. I wasn't pissing, I was wanking. FML

#21281971
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36084) - you deserved it (10999)

On 10/20/2014 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by John (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went on a first date. Everything was going well until he asked me, "So, what's the biggest thing you've stuck up your vag?" FML

#21281604
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37050) - you deserved it (2738)

On 10/20/2014 at 5:28am - intimacy - by bye loser (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I started my job selling perfume in a department store. I decided to be creative and sprayed a little perfume towards the first person who walked by. She had an allergic reaction, and an ambulance had to be called. FML

#21281002
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19444) - you deserved it (37553)

On 10/19/2014 at 10:24am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I got stitches in my breast. I never knew how much they jiggled until every bump on the road made my breast feel like it was on fire. FML

#21278689
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35269) - you deserved it (2465)

On 10/15/2014 at 10:33pm - health - by BoobiePain - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I cut my hair short and he didn't want people to think he was gay. FML

#21275799
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33950) - you deserved it (6605)

On 10/11/2014 at 8:11pm - misc - by dykerino (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I woke up to find that my acne has lined itself beautifully in a perfect 'L' shape in the centre of my forehead. FML



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