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FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML

#4708
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35268) - you deserved it (7570)

On 02/01/2009 at 12:29pm - misc - by frankrizzo - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my best friend was crying because her boyfriend is a retard. I brought my thumb up to wipe a tear off her face, and somehow stuck it up her nose. FML

#4457
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20893) - you deserved it (9818)

On 02/01/2009 at 3:11am - love - by FractalSanity - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was waiting after work in a parking lot for my ride and was dancing a little to keep warm. Next thing I know the cops pull up to me and said that someone called in to report someone dancing in an empty parking lot. FML

#4312
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23906) - you deserved it (2605)

On 01/31/2009 at 7:01pm - misc - by HumanNature - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me and while trying to make a dramatic exit, I slammed his car door, slipped on the ice and landed on my back in front of a large crowd of onlookers. FML

#4066
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19487) - you deserved it (7218)

On 01/31/2009 at 10:30am - love - by kill me - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I was woken up by my roommates cat meowing so loudly at her door, wanting in. Suddenly it stopped. I was just falling back into sleep when I rolled over and the cat was right there beside my head. Meowing. FML

#3778
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17578) - you deserved it (2459)

On 01/30/2009 at 1:18pm - animals - by Noname - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was on a date with this girl. I attempted to put my arm around her, but I elbowed her in the face instead. FML

#3587
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19625) - you deserved it (6374)

On 01/30/2009 at 6:39am - misc - by Anon - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had a stomach virus, so I didn't eat anything. My new roommate asked me if I was anorexic and to prove I wasn't, I ate a sandwich in front of her... Only to go into the bathroom and throw it up later. She heard and now thinks I'm bulimic. FML

#3525
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21357) - you deserved it (5148)

On 01/29/2009 at 10:26pm - misc - by IEatDammit - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went to the doctor to talk about my depression and low self-esteem. He told me that I shouldn't think of myself as a fat pig for being overweight. I don't think that and I'm NOT overweight. FML

#3462
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23936) - you deserved it (3000)

On 01/29/2009 at 5:46pm - health - by Coley - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, when I was at my girlfriend's house, I farted and blamed it on the cat. I forgot the cat died 2 weeks ago. FML

#3203
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5818) - you deserved it (30601)

On 01/28/2009 at 8:05pm - animals - by kittydead - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to the gym to try to get into shape. I pulled a muscle taking my sweater off in the locker room. FML

#3193
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25176) - you deserved it (5716)

On 01/28/2009 at 7:30pm - misc - by j4y - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was feeling sick, so I called my boyfriend who lives down the street to come and keep me company. He replied with, "no, I can't come over, I'm busy, I'm playing xbox." FML

#3102
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20901) - you deserved it (4429)

On 01/28/2009 at 2:51pm - love - by vidzgrl - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I almost had an orgasm. Unfortunately, he had one first. FML

#3084
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48558) - you deserved it (6623)

On 01/28/2009 at 1:36pm - intimacy - by karma - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML

#2899
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31977) - you deserved it (9492)

On 01/27/2009 at 5:26pm - intimacy - by ottawaaa - Canada (Ontario)



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