FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, I found out my mom recently stopped taking her medication. I came home to find she'd shot my dog because she thought he was possessed by the devil. FML

by Anonymous / 07/15/2015 at 11:40am / Canada (Quebec) / Animals

Today, after nearly two months of working at my new job, one of my co-workers finally explained to me that the list of tasks that our boss gives me every day are actually HER duties, and as I complete them, she just sits in her office and watches Netflix. FML

by ineedaraise / 07/14/2015 at 9:04pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, my wife was in seemingly never-ending labor. It got so bad, I overheard a nurse in the doorway mutter to a coworker that she hoped my baby would just die or something, so she could finally go take a smoke break. FML

by Anonymous / 07/10/2015 at 9:23pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids

Today, my phone kept beeping, so I put it on silent and went back to sleep. When I woke up later, I found the guy I went on a date with last night had sent dozens of messages. The first was "Good morning! :)" and the last was "Answer me u fuckin cunt!!!!" I think I'm staying single. FML

by Anonymous / 07/10/2015 at 3:54pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my 4-year-old daughter slipped on ceramic tile and I had to take her to the ER for 5 stitches to her chin. When we got home, I promptly split her chin open again as I over enthusiastically re-enacted how she fell to my husband and accidentally clocked her square in the chin. FML

by clutzymama / 07/10/2015 at 12:27am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I folded a stack of 2,500 brochures for the new exhibit we're putting on at the museum where I work. As I was finishing up, I got an email. The dates have just been changed, so all the brochures have to be reprinted and refolded. FML

by Anonymous / 07/09/2015 at 12:38pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, when I visited my daughter's apartment that she moved into about 3 months ago, I found out that she buys new underwear every time she runs out instead of washing her dirty ones. Her dirty ones have their own special hamper. FML

by grossed out mom / 07/08/2015 at 9:29am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I had to sit through an entire movie where every time a new character was introduced, the guy sitting behind me would say, "My name is Jeff." FML

Today, during family therapy the therapist asked if I believe I'm a good parent/husband. When I said yes my two sons, my daughter and even my wife very passionately disagreed. FML

by --- / 07/06/2015 at 4:52pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He replied by telling me to fuck off. FML

by Anonymous / 07/03/2015 at 3:29pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Love

Today, my mother-in-law started chasing my kids around her house to make them smell her freshly-washed underwear. They were thongs. FML

by bleachingmykidsbrains / 07/01/2015 at 7:38pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, the only reason my husband agreed to marriage counselling is because he finds our therapist attractive. FML

by ouch / 07/01/2015 at 9:35am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I learned I don't have a yeast infection. I have herpes. FML

by quiet_screaming_ / 06/30/2015 at 10:21pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health