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FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, in math class we were lerening about gravity. To demonstrate mah teacher asked me to stand on the desk an then step off. Upon stepping on the desk it curved inward an cracked. Everyone was dying of laughter. Fuck gravity. FML

#1547759
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68445) - you deserved it (9185)

On 05/02/2009 at 12:55am - misc - by systeminitiated (man) - Canada

yesterday at the awards ceremony at school, I ended up winning the top achievement award in grade. The principal spent at least ten minutes talking about success to the audience, the whole time referring to me as a "he" as I stood right next to him. I'm a girl. FML

#1535605
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78033) - you deserved it (5044)

On 05/01/2009 at 7:48pm - misc - by smartgirl (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

yesterday I cummd home from work and went to open the door. I Iookd in the window and saw a man in my house. Terrifid , I calld the police. They came , searchd the house , and found nothing missing. I went back inside and lookd through the window and saw him again. It was my reflection. FML

#1467567
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11121) - you deserved it (73459)

On 04/29/2009 at 7:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was fingering girlfriend. Wen suddenly se started crying at te peak of er orgasm, wen I asked wat was wrong, se replied. ( I-I-I MISS HIM! ) Se was crying about er ex boyfriend. Wile I was inside er. FML

#1453860
314 comments

I agree, your life sucks (153586) - you deserved it (12404)

On 04/29/2009 at 11:47am - intimacy - by fingerfuckd (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was walking into mah living roomhen I slipped over the carpet, bashed mah head on mah glass table, and was moaning in pain on the floor. My parent cummed runninghen they heard mah head bang... straight to the table to see if there were any scratche on it. FML

#1435324
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48038) - you deserved it (2838)

On 04/28/2009 at 8:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I texted my crush that I can't come over and invited him over instead !! I was so anxious fir his reply I took my cell to the washroom with me !! Just as I was pulling up my pants I heard something fall into the bowl, I turned around and watched my cell floating in the my own pee, vibrating !! FML

#1429892
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18436) - you deserved it (52854)

On 04/28/2009 at 5:49pm - love - by ugh (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my kids told me that 4 the FIRST time, my cooking was delicious. I made Kraft dinner that night. FML

#1427815
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40688) - you deserved it (7597)

On 04/28/2009 at 4:47pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went up to a secludd mountain mah boyfriend took me to for our first date. As I saw another couple hooking up in the bushes, I phond mah boyfriend to tell him someone found our secret spot. His Bob Marley ringtone startd playing from the bush. FML

#1415688
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (212649) - you deserved it (11293)

On 04/28/2009 at 2:27am - intimacy - by liveforpeace_ (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I Was Taking My Boyfriend To Meet My Grandparents . Tey Live On Te 27t Floor . Alone In Te Elevator We Startd Making Out . Turns Out Tat Teres A Camera In Te Elevator, Connectd To Every Apartment . My Grandma Askd Me Ow It Was . FML

#1394629
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40216) - you deserved it (17784)

On 04/27/2009 at 3:41pm - misc - by fmylifechelsea (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend was wereing a new shrt he had bought over the weekend!! It was really cute and I always borrow his shrts so I asked to borrow his new one!! He replied with, ( Okay but please don't stretch this one!! ) FML

#1387702
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48217) - you deserved it (17378)

On 04/27/2009 at 10:18am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, it was my mom's brthday. I decided to get her a Willow Tree statue of a woman fary holding a heart. After dinner, I presented my gift. My mother asked me how much it was. I replied, $30. She threw me a drty look, shoved the present in my drection, and told me to return it. FML

#1377457
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50029) - you deserved it (8142)

On 04/26/2009 at 11:39pm - misc - by BbyDelight (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

TODAY, I WAS AT THE BEACH AN FELL ASLEEP IN THE SUN!! WHEN I WOKE UP, THERE WAS A BLOB OF SUNSCREEN ON MY LEG!! THINKING IT WAS MY BOYFRIEND WHO WAS SWEET ENOUGH TO SQUEEZE SUNSCREEN 4 ME, I RUBBD IT INTO MY LEG!! AFTER SMELLING MY HANDS, I DISCOVERD IT WAS BIRD POOP!! FML

#1339602
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45035) - you deserved it (16234)

On 04/25/2009 at 11:10pm - animals - by poopedon (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Yesterday, I was shopping in an upscale store. As I was changing, I hered one of the snobby saleswomen say to mine "You shouldn't bother. She isn't going to buy anything." Determind to "show her", I purchasd everything I'd trid on. It came to around $500. My credit card was declind. FML

#1315447
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14151) - you deserved it (73404)

On 04/25/2009 at 8:49am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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