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FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, I tried having intercourse with my boyfriend, and about 30 seconds in, I heard flipping. He was looking at a porn magazine. "It's to keep my erection" he answered. FML

#653658
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (90485) - you deserved it (8937)

On 03/27/2009 at 11:16pm - intimacy - by VampiresSayRawr (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my mother was vaccuming the stairs. Trying to be polite, I climbed over the banister to the floor above, so I wouldn't interrupt her. She looked at me odd and said, "I'm surprised that held your weight." The banister is maple and steel. FML

#653813
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48709) - you deserved it (4961)

On 03/27/2009 at 11:15pm - misc - by Anonymity (man) - Canada

Today, me and my friend decided to spy on my crush. He lives across the street, so we climbed on the roof of my house and watched him with binoculars. He was working out, and after 5 minutes he started writing something. He put a piece of paper against the window and it said, 'Stop watching me.' FML

#650213
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14918) - you deserved it (134728)

On 03/27/2009 at 8:24pm - misc - by Creep (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was going to a stoplight party. Green shirt=single, yellow=hard to get and red=taken. I show up wearing a red shirt and I see my boyfriend in a green shirt. Thinking it was a mistake, I ask him jokingly why he isn't wearing red. He looks at me weird and says, "Oh, you didn't get my text?" FML

#642666
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (101816) - you deserved it (5226)

On 03/27/2009 at 12:47pm - misc - by 1234567898765432 - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me over the phone. He said there was someone else, and that he has been in love with her for a while. Turns out, the new girl was his online video game character. I got dumped for a video game. FML

#637749
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (91456) - you deserved it (8590)

On 03/27/2009 at 1:12am - love - by w00tz (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by dressing up in sexy lingerie. When I went to answer the door he was standing there with a shocked expression, his friends parked in the driveway had the same expression as well. He came to break up with me. He told me after we had sex. FML

#617200
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (134301) - you deserved it (11946)

On 03/26/2009 at 2:09am - intimacy - by lollipopp56 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my mom told me she spent $760 on "quantum pendants" that "produce scalar energy that helps to enhance the body’s biofield." When I told her she got scammed, she denied it and yelled at me. Best part? She frequently lectures me about how I waste my money and spend irresponsibly. FML

#616286
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60827) - you deserved it (4622)

On 03/26/2009 at 1:06am - money - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I bought body chocolate to use in bed with my boyfriend in the hopes of spicing things up. Everything was going great, until I tasted it. It was disgusting and actually made me gag a little. Later, my boyfriend checked the label and started laughing. It had expired 3 years ago. FML

#593537
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20101) - you deserved it (75956)

On 03/25/2009 at 12:48am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was using my dad's cell because I had broken mine. I was texting my boyfriend all day when my dad needed his phone back. I forgot to tell my boyfriend that my dad would be using the phone. My boyfriend then texted graphically what he wanted to do to my dad. FML

#590218
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15974) - you deserved it (96553)

On 03/24/2009 at 10:46pm - misc - by Loho (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got up extra early to curl my hair because I wanted to look nice at school for a change. After coming downstairs my mom yells at me and says, "See, when you don't wake up on time your hair looks like that. You could have atleast combed it!" FML

#574759
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63215) - you deserved it (5420)

On 03/24/2009 at 12:11pm - misc - by Rai (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend came over for dinner, but couldn't eat because he had just gotten his tongue pierced. My grandpa heard this, winked at my boyfriend and said "Can't eat now, but I bet that's all you'll be doing in a few weeks..." My super protective father was sitting right next to him. FML

#572670
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79105) - you deserved it (8843)

On 03/24/2009 at 6:41am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, at the store, I heard a kid complaining about getting braces. While I was saying 'thank you' and 'bye' to the cashier, his grandma must've seen my slightly crooked teeth. She pointed and said, "Without them, your teeth will look bad like that man's!" Everyone around looked at me. FML

#572216
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58575) - you deserved it (4073)

On 03/24/2009 at 4:19am - misc - by teef (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I signed up for an online dating site. After completing their personality quiz, I set the distance to a 60 mile radius of where I live. Then to the country. Then to the whole world. I got no matches for any of the settings. FML

#555846
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (115196) - you deserved it (15600)

On 03/23/2009 at 4:38pm - love - by Rajin (man) - Canada (British Columbia)



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