FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, the police came to my door and told me about a woman who called the cops on me because she said that I had been following her in my car. We were on the highway. FML

by Anonymous / 11/02/2009 at 11:33pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation

Today, I was working at Tim Hortons. A lady was in line, and she couldnt make up her mind. 20 minutes later she finally decided to get something, and she reached in her pocket. I was hoping it was a tip, but she gave me a coupon for a haircut. FML

by justin_99 / 11/02/2009 at 8:15pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I invited my girlfriend to come over, telling her I had a surprise. I filled the bathtub and lit a lot of candles to be romantic. She gets here, and we start doing our thing. Until we smell something burning. It was my hair. I now have a bald spot on the back of my head. FML

by CandlesSuck / 11/01/2009 at 10:44pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Love

Today, I bought an iTunes giftcard worth $50. I tried to scratch off the little silver thing covering the code with a pair of scissors. I scratched so much that it's now unreadable. FML

by Sam / 11/01/2009 at 6:10pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her mom who had passed away years ago "told her that I was cheating on her," telepathically. FML

by iGotSkill / 10/30/2009 at 9:32pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to my university bookstore and tried to use my debit card to pay, but got the "Insufficient Funds" notification. I was buying a single postage stamp, which costs 57 cents. FML

by poorcollegestudent / 10/30/2009 at 4:32pm / Canada (Alberta) / Money

Today, I had to throw away twenty condoms that were all expired, because that's how active my sex life is. FML

by Anonymous / 10/29/2009 at 2:47pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I went on a first date with an employee from Sobey's who asked for my number while I was grocery shopping. We decided to each bring a friend. I brought my roommate. He brought his girlfriend. FML

by lds124 / 10/29/2009 at 12:11am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Love

Today, I confronted my boyfriend, suspecting that he has been cheating on me during the past few months. He vehemently denied it. Then told me it would never happen again. What? FML

by clueless / 10/29/2009 at 12:09am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, the guy I was seeing put candles all over his room to make things romantic. As we were getting it on, a plastic bag caught fire next to the bed. He had the brilliant idea to wave it around to put it out. Burning pieces of plastic landed on my arm. FML

by LadySteph12 / 10/28/2009 at 8:53pm / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend told me how disappointed and depressed she was that she could never make me hard. She started ranting about her looks and how she fails at everything. I didn't know how to reply. I was hard while she told me. FML

by timmynotjimmy / 10/27/2009 at 9:28pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I noticed that I've been spelling my company's name wrong in my email signature for over a year. FML

by nobodyreadsmyemails / 10/27/2009 at 6:24pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, a man came up to me asking for my name. Thinking he was trying to hit on me, I rudely gave him a fake name. He thanked me and walked away. I continued to watch him leaving until I saw him ask another woman for her name and took out a wallet and showed it to her. It was my lost wallet. FML