FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, I realized that you should never teach your 6 year old child how to use the microwave, unless you want to be cleaning melted pet fish for about half an hour. FML

by poopiemanlol / 12/01/2009 at 5:24pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, my girlfriend decided we are ready for the next step in our relationship. Apparently that next step is her taking a dump with the door open. FML

by Cpm / 11/30/2009 at 8:55pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I finally had enough money to buy my girlfriend an engagement ring, which I was going to pick up after work. On my way to work, I slid on the ice and crashed into a parked vehicle. The damage to my car is almost twice the amount of the ring. FML

by Anonymous / 11/30/2009 at 6:24pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Money

Today, we rearranged the bedroom and my boyfriend and I switched sides of the bed. When the alarm went off, he got confused as to which side the clock was on. Instead of hitting the snooze button like he normally does, he hit me in the face. FML

by SoVeryMonday / 11/30/2009 at 1:01pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I overhead my mother's request to be spanked harder by my dad. FML

by NeedHeadPhone / 11/30/2009 at 11:51am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I was working at a restaurant when my manager approached me and informed me that there was people having sex in the women's washroom, and he needed me to go in and ask them to cut it out. So I did. Five minutes later, a woman walks out with her disabled son and asks to talk to my manager. FML

by Janer88 / 11/30/2009 at 12:51am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, I called my boyfriend to have a shoulder to cry on because my grandpa died. As soon as I told him, he started crying and telling me how much he missed his grandmother, who died six years ago. I spent the majority of the phone call listening to him wail. FML

by perfectmoment / 11/29/2009 at 7:47pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I locked my keys in the car while the car was running because I got out to get the parking ticket attached to my windshield. FML

by Anonymous / 11/29/2009 at 2:25am / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation

Today, I went over to my boyfriend's apartment and I smelled a delicious aroma as I walked in so I asked him what he was cooking. His response was, "I'm not cooking anything. I just farted." FML

by fartlover / 11/27/2009 at 12:10am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out there's a Harry Potter club at my school. My boyfriend is in it. FML

by harrypottermuch / 11/26/2009 at 6:50am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was riding on my usual bus, when I noticed a man staring at me. I was having a really bad day, and said "Can you please stop staring at me?" He then replied with "I'm just trying to look out the window, and your head is in the way. Don't flatter yourself." FML

by Anonymous / 11/26/2009 at 12:15am / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation

Today, my husband and I were at a wedding. When the DJ announced that the bar was open, my hubby was the only one to RUN to the bar while the other husbands stayed behind to dance with their wives, eyeing us in a weird way. FML

by Embarassedd / 11/26/2009 at 12:01am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my mother has been purposely wrecking every relationship I've had since junior high because ''no one is good enough for her little girl''. FML

by B_McG / 11/25/2009 at 1:31pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous