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FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, I was walking down the street when someone pushed me into poison ivy. He ran off saying, "That's for beating me in the race." I've never been in a race, nor have I ever met him. FML

#20770379
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44308) - you deserved it (3066)

On 07/08/2013 at 11:15am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

#20769088
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48960) - you deserved it (8617)

On 07/07/2013 at 5:57pm - kids - by nosestealer (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to a big job interview. Eventually, the guy subtly enquired about my political beliefs. He seemed pretty laid-back and cool, so I told him, at which point he just chuckled and told me to leave. When I threatened to report him, he just said, "Who're they gonna believe, you or me?" FML

#20769050
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38803) - you deserved it (7057)

On 07/07/2013 at 5:27pm - work - by touche :/ (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was going to fight the guy who my girlfriend left me for. While waiting at the park, he sent me a video of the two of them having sex on my bed. FML

#20768398
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60829) - you deserved it (18984)

On 07/07/2013 at 8:35am - love - by SimG (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out that my ex-girlfriend gives out my number to guys who ask for hers. Let's just say that I'll never be able to unsee the pictures that were sent to me. FML

#20768089
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47113) - you deserved it (3611)

On 07/07/2013 at 1:21am - intimacy - by nomorenakedpicsplease - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I walked in on my 14-year-old son apparently practicing his oral sex skills on the crotch of one of his sister's Barbie dolls. FML

#20765717
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46793) - you deserved it (4123)

On 07/05/2013 at 6:45pm - kids - by The fuck, junior? (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my daughter asked me to get her razors. When my 19-year-old son saw them he asked what they were for, to which my daughter replied, "For my armpits." My son then said, "Girls don't grow armpit hair." FML

#20764467
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40628) - you deserved it (5547)

On 07/05/2013 at 12:59am - kids - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after spending months learning Chinese, selling my house and everything I own for my big transfer to Hong Kong, my boss decided I should instead go to our other branch across town. FML

#20761984
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45089) - you deserved it (2123)

On 07/03/2013 at 5:01pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found out that my mom bet my dad $100 that she could pay my boyfriend ten bucks to break up with me. She is now $90 richer. FML

#20760905
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45678) - you deserved it (3002)

On 07/03/2013 at 12:26am - money - by Forever Alone (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my 7-year-old sister had a nightmare, so I let her sleep in my bed. I woke up to her punching me in the face and giving me a black eye. Apparently, she not only screams when she's having a nightmare, she also "gives the bad guy a taste of his own medicine." FML

#20759842
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42598) - you deserved it (4141)

On 07/02/2013 at 1:39pm - health - by good big sister? (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I saw my former high school teacher at the mall. After a nice conversation, she mentioned that I "still dress like a slut." FML

#20757992
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38076) - you deserved it (18711)

On 07/01/2013 at 1:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I sneezed so hard that I threw my back out. Now my back is in agonizing pain, and I can barely walk. FML

#20755309
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38367) - you deserved it (4323)

On 06/30/2013 at 12:36am - health - by TooYoungForThis - Canada

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to change the language setting on my phone to Mandarin. Unfortunately, neither of us knows Mandarin, and we can't change it back to English. FML

#20753667
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36871) - you deserved it (7239)

On 06/29/2013 at 1:31am - misc - by damniphone - Canada (Alberta)



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