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FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, while working as a makeup artist in the mall, I was approached by a man who wanted to try lipstick (not unusual we do a lot of drag). While I'm applying it he starts to make gross noises and after a quick glance I realize he has a massive erection. He then whispers mmmm don't stop now. FML

#1745966
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74999) - you deserved it (3905)

On 05/08/2009 at 10:53am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at a family get together with distant relatives. My grandma made a point to say how all of the grandkids brought their boyfriends or girlfriends. She looks at me, then turns to everyone and says "But not our Becky! She is more interested in her cats right now than finding a man." FML

#1738552
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48054) - you deserved it (6099)

On 05/07/2009 at 11:38pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at a restaurant when I heard a young girl telling her father she didn't think she was pretty. When I got up to leave, I walked past her table and told her she was beautiful. Her dad then punched me in the face. FML

#1737355
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60006) - you deserved it (14843)

On 05/07/2009 at 11:02pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was desperately handing out resumes. I came to my local grocery store and asked for a job application, the customer service rep told me all she needed was my resume. I smiled and gave it to her only to see her read it, laugh and put it straight in the garbage as I walked out. FML

#1719751
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44300) - you deserved it (3889)

On 05/07/2009 at 3:15pm - work - by nojob (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I baked a chicken pot pie in the oven. I pulled it out, and noticed a big piece of tasty-looking, flaky pastry had come loose. Without thinking I ripped it off and popped it into my mouth. I HEARD the skin on the inside of my cheeks burn. FML

#1713155
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13787) - you deserved it (79164)

On 05/07/2009 at 8:09am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got industrial toilet cleaner in my eyes. Despite the raging fire party going on behind my eyelids, I resisted the urge to stop, drop, and roll, and calmly got in the shower to wash it off. Wherein I promptly slipped, fell, and whacked my head full-force on the bathtub on the way down. FML

#1695418
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49458) - you deserved it (4450)

On 05/06/2009 at 4:46pm - misc - by twoheadedboy (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after practicing a song for my girlfriend on guitar all day, I called her over to my house to show it to her. After a long speech about how "this is for you," I played for about 3 seconds before I broke a string, which slapped her in her face. FML

#1694711
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63553) - you deserved it (5741)

On 05/06/2009 at 4:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, as I finished putting self tanner on my legs, the phone rang. Telemarketer. After returning to the bathroom I put moisturizer on my face. As I looked in the mirror, I soon realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands. My face is now streaky orange. FML

#1675057
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11092) - you deserved it (46081)

On 05/05/2009 at 8:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I pissed my younger brother off. Seemingly unrelated to this was the fact that I left my laptop on in my room along with MSN signed into my email adress. Now, all my contacts know that I apparently "just love the warm feeling of semen sliding down my throat". FML

#1667670
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44180) - you deserved it (30869)

On 05/05/2009 at 5:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I decided to modify my resume since I've handed out over 30 of them in the past couple of weeks and I haven't gotten any calls back. As soon as I opened it on word document, I noticed that I had forgotten to include my phone number for employers to contact me. FML

#1630786
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11772) - you deserved it (68047)

On 05/04/2009 at 4:15pm - work - by Loser (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was helping my friend wash dishes. As I went to grab some tongs to dry them I impale my forearm on a knife that's sticking blade up. My friend wanted to finish the dishes before taking me to the hospital. FML

#1627759
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61094) - you deserved it (4470)

On 05/04/2009 at 2:48pm - misc - by hurts (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me because he loves toilets. Everyone was sleeping so I went pee but didnt flush. My cat jumped onto the seat and fell in. I had to lift him out and then wash him. He hates water though, so I was scratched by my cat who was dripping with my own pee. FML

#1620980
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40242) - you deserved it (26470)

On 05/04/2009 at 8:37am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, before going to bed my phone lit up and I got all excited because I thought it was a text message. My phone was finished charging. FML

#1611254
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24608) - you deserved it (42655)

On 05/03/2009 at 10:12pm - misc - by nolove (woman) - Canada



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