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FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, I got industrial toilet cleaner in my eyes. Despite the raging fire party going on behind my eyelids, I resisted the urge to stop, drop, and roll, and calmly got in the shower to wash it off. Wherein I promptly slipped, fell, and whacked my head full-force on the bathtub on the way down. FML

#1695418
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49407) - you deserved it (4447)

On 05/06/2009 at 4:46pm - misc - by twoheadedboy (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after practicing a song for my girlfriend on guitar all day, I called her over to my house to show it to her. After a long speech about how "this is for you," I played for about 3 seconds before I broke a string, which slapped her in her face. FML

#1694711
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63491) - you deserved it (5735)

On 05/06/2009 at 4:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, as I finished putting self tanner on my legs, the phone rang. Telemarketer. After returning to the bathroom I put moisturizer on my face. As I looked in the mirror, I soon realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands. My face is now streaky orange. FML

#1675057
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11074) - you deserved it (46047)

On 05/05/2009 at 8:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I pissed my younger brother off. Seemingly unrelated to this was the fact that I left my laptop on in my room along with MSN signed into my email adress. Now, all my contacts know that I apparently "just love the warm feeling of semen sliding down my throat". FML

#1667670
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43660) - you deserved it (30622)

On 05/05/2009 at 5:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I decided to modify my resume since I've handed out over 30 of them in the past couple of weeks and I haven't gotten any calls back. As soon as I opened it on word document, I noticed that I had forgotten to include my phone number for employers to contact me. FML

#1630786
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11750) - you deserved it (67994)

On 05/04/2009 at 4:15pm - work - by Loser (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was helping my friend wash dishes. As I went to grab some tongs to dry them I impale my forearm on a knife that's sticking blade up. My friend wanted to finish the dishes before taking me to the hospital. FML

#1627759
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60423) - you deserved it (4418)

On 05/04/2009 at 2:48pm - misc - by hurts (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me because he loves toilets. Everyone was sleeping so I went pee but didnt flush. My cat jumped onto the seat and fell in. I had to lift him out and then wash him. He hates water though, so I was scratched by my cat who was dripping with my own pee. FML

#1620980
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39552) - you deserved it (26111)

On 05/04/2009 at 8:37am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, before going to bed my phone lit up and I got all excited because I thought it was a text message. My phone was finished charging. FML

#1611254
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24579) - you deserved it (42621)

On 05/03/2009 at 10:12pm - misc - by nolove (woman) - Canada

Today, my parents met my girlfriend for the first time and cooked us dinner. After, I was helping clean up in the kitchen and my dad says to me, "Don't worry, you have to slay a couple of dragons before you get to the princess." and winks at me. She heard. I was going to propose to her tonight. FML

Today, my grandpa told me he can still get aroused even though he is 84. Im 32 and have erectile dysfunction. FML

#1578524
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58846) - you deserved it (3760)

On 05/02/2009 at 11:47pm - misc - by fuckerman - Canada (Ontario)

Today, in math class we were learning about gravity. To demonstrate my teacher asked me to stand on the desk and then step off. Upon stepping on the desk it curved inward and cracked. Everyone was dying of laughter. Fuck gravity. FML

#1547759
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67255) - you deserved it (9068)

On 05/02/2009 at 12:55am - misc - by systeminitiated (man) - Canada

Today, at the awards ceremony at my school, I ended up winning the top achievement award in my grade. The principal spent at least ten minutes talking about my success to the audience, the whole time referring to me as a "he" as I stood right next to him. I'm a girl. FML

#1535605
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76065) - you deserved it (4880)

On 05/01/2009 at 7:48pm - misc - by smartgirl (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I came home from work and went to open the door. I Iooked in the window and saw a man in my house. Terrified, I called the police. They came, searched the house, and found nothing missing. I went back inside and looked through the window and saw him again. It was my reflection. FML

#1467567
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11026) - you deserved it (73233)

On 04/29/2009 at 7:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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