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FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, I finally got my nametag. I had been using other people's names like Maria and Caie for a week, so I was happy to be called my own name. I put it on and got to work. Ten minutes later, I was called into the office. I got laid off. I got to wear my nametag for 10 minutes. FML

#2733384
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44739) - you deserved it (3267)

On 06/08/2009 at 10:07pm - misc - by nametag (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was camping. Me and this really cute girl were hitting it off real nice. It was the last night so we both headed over to my tent to have sex. I was just about to get it in when a raccoon ripped my tent causing the girl to scream and runaway. I got cockblocked by a raccoon. FML

#2729024
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70117) - you deserved it (8421)

On 06/08/2009 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by Baggabbles123 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got hypnotized at my school's variety show. Apparently, when asked to do something I enjoy doing, I began to violently hump the floor. FML

#2722142
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (83968) - you deserved it (20421)

On 06/08/2009 at 3:41pm - intimacy - by OhGeez (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I noticed I have to lift up my fat to see my penis. FML

#2681681
371 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45347) - you deserved it (122456)

On 06/07/2009 at 2:02am - love - by dawg3360 - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my cousin and I found out that when a girl puts a flower in the right side of her hair, it means she's available. The bigger the flower, the more available she is. My eleven year old boy cousin told me to "cut down a palm tree and put it in my hair". FML

#2671287
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65247) - you deserved it (6639)

On 06/06/2009 at 8:38pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was shopping at Shoppers Drug Mart with my mom. As we pulled up to the cashier, I noticed it was a really hot girl from my school. Trying to be cool, I told my mom that I'll be paying for the purchases. My debit card was denied. My mom had to pay. FML

#2658962
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10476) - you deserved it (54615)

On 06/06/2009 at 12:23pm - misc - by Goki (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while I was taking a break at work, someone stole my iPod from my desk. I work in a police station. FML

#2654949
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68113) - you deserved it (7638)

On 06/06/2009 at 7:18am - work - by foretwintie (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, at work my arms were full. I needed to get the door open, so instead of pushing the swing door open with my shoulder, I kicked it open with my foot. Right into my manager's face. FML

#2647799
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34777) - you deserved it (11113)

On 06/05/2009 at 11:36pm - work - by hellogoodbye (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was taking a bath and out of boredom started making sheep noises. I then had a conversation with myself in farm animal noises. When I got out of the bath, I walked to my bedroom in my towel, passing the living room... where my little brother's soccer team burst out laughing. FML

#2637147
300 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21249) - you deserved it (69411)

On 06/05/2009 at 5:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at a club with a friend. A cute guy kept smiling and looking over at me. He left his seat and went to the bar and brought back two drinks. He waved me over and then said, "Can you tell your hot friend that I bought her a drink?" FML

#2634105
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55323) - you deserved it (4472)

On 06/05/2009 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by KL (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was buying an expensive pillow for my mother from a store clerk who wouldn't stop staring at my boobs. After paying, I saw an elderly lady who had dropped a bag, so I walked to help. I walked back to the clerk, who refused to believe I paid. The reason? He didn't recognize my face. FML

#2569005
324 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62022) - you deserved it (5034)

On 06/03/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by doubleds (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was in the park for a walk when a ball rolled to my feet. Figuring it belonged to the kids not far off, I wound back and kicked. The ball had actually been kicked by someone else for their dog to chase and I ended up punting it in the head. FML

#2489611
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13851) - you deserved it (34200)

On 06/01/2009 at 12:50am - money - by steph (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I won $200 a contest at a bar. The manager took me to a vault where money collected from the strippers go into a pool. He told me that at least half of the bills were slid through a strippers butt crack so I was to "choose wisely". FML

#2427031
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41727) - you deserved it (8241)

On 05/30/2009 at 7:39am - money - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Manitoba)



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