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FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, I was on the bus home and on the phone with my best friend discussing my sex life with this new guy I'm seeing. I was telling her all sorts of raunchy sex things we've done until someone taps my shoulder and says "I'm sure he doesn't appreciate you saying this in public." It was his mom. FML

#2093858
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26937) - you deserved it (96118)

On 05/19/2009 at 8:51pm - intimacy - by Kens (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I thought I could stay on the phone and go to the bathroom without him noticing. My mom knocks on the door and without even thinking, I yelled "I'M ON THE TOILET!" He said "ew.." FML

#2086057
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9980) - you deserved it (68728)

On 05/19/2009 at 5:51pm - misc - by June (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was in my Cosmetic Application class, and we were about to apply foundation to our models. I walk over to my friend and say "Wow, that foundation is really orange and blotchy." Then the model turns to me and says "Actually, we haven't started yet... that's just my skin." FML

#2073972
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13156) - you deserved it (52615)

On 05/19/2009 at 4:40am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while going for a run in my neighbourhood I was hit by a car not once, but twice. The second car, closely following the first, stopped and then drove forward to see if I was all right. FML

#2071358
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45574) - you deserved it (2768)

On 05/19/2009 at 1:17am - health - by OUCH (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after a long night of partying, I was hanging out with this girl I really like. I was feeling really hungover, so we were just sitting at the park. She confessed to me that she's liked me since the day she met me. Out of excitement and hungoverness, I threw up on her shoes. FML

#2071351
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43186) - you deserved it (19304)

On 05/19/2009 at 1:16am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada

Today, I was feeling rebellious, I decided to procrastinate instead of studying for my really important English test tomorrow. I was having a pretty good time until I realized my idea of procrastinating was cleaning my TI-83 graphing calculator with rubbing alcohol and Q-tips. FML

#2069131
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18076) - you deserved it (48018)

On 05/19/2009 at 12:08am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my daughter and I were at a school carnival. At the face painting station, she sat down and asked for a kitty on her face. Next, she shoved me on a chair and whispered something into the lady's ear. I ended up with a 'black eye' by request of my own daughter. She's 4. FML

#2045197
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40277) - you deserved it (5237)

On 05/18/2009 at 8:22am - kids - by BeatenUpPup (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML

#2042132
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37376) - you deserved it (21708)

On 05/18/2009 at 2:45am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was walking home from piano lessons when I see my dad on a bike so I shout after him. He turns his head around and then runs into a tree. It wasn't my dad. FML

#2028672
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18711) - you deserved it (32071)

On 05/17/2009 at 8:35pm - misc - by Richocet - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, in order to look nice for a date, I tried the new blue mouthwash that turns plaque blue so you know where to brush. I couldn't get all the blue. FML

#1986687
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17127) - you deserved it (42920)

On 05/16/2009 at 5:19pm - misc - by Ricky (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to pee badly. I went into a stall and sat down. Only until after I'd peed, I realized that I didn't have any toilet paper. I waddled to the next stall with my pants down to get more toilet paper, believing that the bathroom was empty. It wasn't. FML

#1975711
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15242) - you deserved it (48761)

On 05/16/2009 at 10:47am - misc - by penguinsfan (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I was selected to give my speech to the entire school. I was later told it had to be censored because it was inappropriate, even though I was just trying to make a point. My speech was on political correctness. My speech on political correctness was censored for political reasons. FML

#1973868
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43797) - you deserved it (4482)

On 05/16/2009 at 9:06am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my 5 year old daughter thought it would be funny to wake me up by tickling my toes. I guess one of my reflexes acted out because I kicked her right in the face. FML

#1973147
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50516) - you deserved it (5802)

On 05/16/2009 at 7:26am - kids - by badmom101 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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